


Anon Ymous - Ace Attorney

by Attorney_Anon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Courtroom Drama, Crimes & Criminals, Deviates From Canon, F/M, Family Fluff, Gen, Humor, Misunderstandings, Murder Mystery, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 05:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15112706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attorney_Anon/pseuds/Attorney_Anon





	1. Wizarding Turnabout

The sound of the screams echoed in her head.  
She felt sick to her stomach. How could this happen?  
13 bodies lied in front of her.  
She almost didn’t notice when the Auror’s arrived, wands ready to take her down, the small, terrified house elf accompanying them, pointing at her.  
Merula felt as if everything had ended for her, once again.

WIZARDING TURNABOUT

OCTOBER 9, 8:00 AM

KHANNA RESIDENCE

“WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP” My wand kept screaming, flashing a light on my face and poking my ribs, forcing me to open my eyes. “Ugh, I really need to learn how to wake up in the morning.”

My name is Anon Ymous, attorney at law. It had always been my dream to become an attorney, even before I discovered that I was a wizard. My father, a muggle defense attorney, was a great source of inspiration while I grew up. I always admired the old coot, even if his methods of dealing with the law and his opponents where kind of “unorthodox” to say the least (the duck and the boot cases still come to mind every time I think about him).

I already successfully dealt with two cases so far, starting my career in a pretty decent way, if I do say so myself. Busting my ass at N.E.W.T.s and that damn magical law proficiency test had to serve to something.

I quickly get up, putting on my already trademarked blue-striped suit, just a little reminder of my time at Ravenclaw, and moved to the kitchen, where I find my best friend already making breakfast.

“Hey sleepy head, good morning” Says Rowan, flipping pancakes with the precision of a master duelist launching spells at an unfortunate target.

Holding back a yawn, I sit at the table and pick the morning newspaper, the front page flashing pictures of a quite gruesome case that apparently happened yesterday ‘THIRTEEN DEAD AT THE MURK RESIDENCE, DARK WIZARD SUSPECTED’.

“Morning Khanna, where’s Penny?”

“Oh she, had to go to work already, said she had to deal with some nasty enchanted toilet seat or something” Rowan began serving some pancakes on my plate, and quickly took a seat in front of me.

“Being a stay-at-home-daddy must be hard work, eh man?”

“Hey, I can managed, at least I have my own home already, ye bloody leech” Said him with a shit eating grim, sipping his coffee.

I’ve been staying at Rowan’s home for a while now, after my last case made me a prime target for a gang of leprechauns that really, really wanted to put my head on a spike, so it was safer to stay away from my old apartment. But hey, getting some good homemade food and clean bed sheets was a nice change of pace, really.

“Hey, you know that aint my fault, right? And besides, your home was bought by your wife, so you’re as much of a leech as me.” I begin to eagerly eat my serving of pancakes. Goddamn that stupid Indian can cook.

“Yeah, but we still make more money than you, so its even.”

“No need to poke me where it hurts dude.” Rowan lets out a slight chuckle, almost chocking in his own serving of pancakes.

After eating, Rowan rose up from his seat. “Anyway man, I gotta wake Hazel up, if I let her oversleep again Penny’s gonna kill me.” The ever so worried father quickly walked towards his daughter’s bedroom. Its still pretty hard to accept that that studious bookworm not only managed to date one of the prettiest girls in Hogwarts history, but ended up marrying her shortly after graduation and got a lil daughter to boot.

While eating my breakfast, I notice a small bang sound repeatedly at the window. Taking a glance, I see its an old black owl, carrying a letter on its left leg. “Oh Turles, why do you do this every time.” I open the window, letting the animal inside, ruffling its feathers and desperately going towards my food, gorging in pancakes.

“Why did I ever buy you, really” Using the moment of distraction, I take the letter addressed to me. “Oh, its from the Wizengamot, maybe its something about my next case.

Opening the letter, I start to read it. It was indeed about my next case. As I was reading it, I felt the color coming out of my face, my eyes darting around the letter, incredulous of its contents. I quickly take a seat, ignoring the happy chirps of my owl while I reread it repeatedly.

After my fifth reread, Rowan entered the kitchen again, accompanied by his petite daughter. At 7 years old, Hazel Khanna was a weird, but quite adorable mix of both Penny’s and Rowan’s features. Her dark gold hair, that was waist length, was unruly and chaotic early in the morning, her blue eyes looking tired after being awake. Scrubbing her eyes with her small hands, she started to move towards the table. “Morning, Uncle Ymmy” She said, as she sat on her elevated seat.

“Hey man, you look like you saw a ghost, what happened?” Rowan quickly approached a worried look on his eyes.

“Welp, I might as well, have, really.” I give him the letter, and as he read it, his expression started to match mine.

“Whats wrong daddy?” Said Hazel, between some decisive bites on a few pancakes.

“Nothing, dear, its adults stuff. Finish your pancakes, alright? Dad and uncle Ymous have to talk for a bit.” I start to follow a clearly worried Rowan, while a still groggy Hazel played with Turles between bites.

Sitting on the couch, Rowan started to read the letter out loud, as if he was trying to make it seem less surreal.

MISTER YMOUS

We from the Wizengamot hereby convoke you to preside as the defense attorney on the court session number 993598, Merula Snyde V. The Wizarding Community, to be held at the Tenth of October, 1999, at 10 AM.  
We believe that choosing you as a member of the defense team will help to bring closure to the matters at hand, as the defendant is believed to be an old acquaintance of yours.  
As the time for the trial is nigh, we recommend that you quickly go talk to your client, currently being held at the precinct of the Department Magical Law Enforcement.  
For more information, talk to Detective Olivia Gumshoe.

May justice prevail,  
Elphias Doge, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot

“Good Merlin, its Merula” Rowan said, his mouth agape.

“Yeah, I really cant believe it! They found her!” I said, a smile forming on my face.

Merula Snyde. Calling her a simple “acquaintance” was quite off the mark, really. The self declared “Greatest witch that ever attended Hogwarts” was a continuous pain in the butt for most of my school life. Most, because as we both grew older, our feelings of mutual hate became something more, culminating in both of us finally dating at the end of our fifth year. As time passed, everything indicated that we would find happiness on each other well after we ended our studies, but one day, right before our graduation, she simply vanished. I went to look after her right after I got out of school using all of my resources, traveling across all of England and beyond to see if I could find her again, to no avail.

Until now.

“Yeah, but… she’s being held in a trial, this cant be good, really.”

“I know, but its Merula! Just the fact that shes alive, and that I can talk to her makes me happy man, really.”

“I really cant believe that you’re still in love with her, after all this time.” Rowan looks at me with with worried eyes, but I ignore him, as I was feeling legitimately happy.

“I sure am, shes the love of my life after all.”

Rowan sighs heavily, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Look, I know you’ve been looking for her for a long ass time, but really, did you ever thought about why she ended up disappearing? Especially since right after she went away we started to hear reports of attacks against muggles and what not? And with You-Know-Who coming back, and all that, it makes everything even more disturbing. Not to mention that case yesterday…”

“Sheesh man, calm down” I say, looking at him directly on his eyes. “I trust Merula, really. I know that even if she ended up on Lordy Moldy-Butt’s side she wouldn’t hurt a soul, shes not that kind of girl.”

“You say that, but she assaulted you so many times at school that Madam Pomfrey started calling you ‘The Snap-Man’ since you broke your arms like, 20 times in one year.”

“Yeah, I know, but this is different! This is a chance to finally learn the truth about what happened, so I cant let this pass.”

“Alright, alright, I know that nothing that I say can make you change your mind, especially since these are orders from the Wizen’ itself. I just want to make sure that you don’t end up getting hurt after all of this ends.”

“I know, and I appreciate that man, but”- I get up and start to walk towards the front door-“ I have to set this straight” I look at him with fire in my eyes, ready to finally meet Merula again.

“Heh, you never change really.” Rowan got up and gave me a quick friendly punch on my shoulder. “Well, im going to look after Hazel for now, if anything happens you let me know, alright?” 

“Sure, I promise.” I open the door and start to walk away from the Khanna residence, thinking about Merula, my chest tightening. “Time to pay Clumsy a visit.”

OCTOBER 9, 9:07 AM  
MINISTRY OF MAGIC

“Merlin’s trousers, if I have to pass over one more freaking magical detector im going to lose my mind!” I say, as I walk inside of the Ministry. Ever since You-Know-Who was defeated, a lot of changes started to be made on how the Ministry worked. Dozens of new defense mechanisms and extra personnel where put in charge, especially since the hunt for rogue Death Eaters was still in progression.

After finally getting past another quite annoying ‘DE Hunt-a-thon 3000’ I finally start to approach the elevators that would take me to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but im stopped by a heavy hand on my shoulder. “Ey, im in kinda of a hurry man, cant talk rig- Oh Hey Barnaby!”

“Yo, Ymous, how ya doing” The muscle head said. Barnaby is a good friend from my Hogwarts years, having helped me crackle a lot of problems while I was in school. While he was already huge as a teenager, he only became larger as the years passed, with him now standing at almost 7 feet tall, coupled with the hugest muscles I ever saw in a wizard. It was only natural for him to be hired as a security guard in the ministry.

“Im fine man, im fine. Got a few good and bad news today, and a new case to booth.” I say as i enter the elevator with Barnaby and push the button.

“Its not about leprechauns again, right? Last time one of those buggers kept on following me for almost a week, screaming things like ‘shekels’ and what not”

“Nah, relax, its nothing like that this time. Its about Merula” With a cheeky grim, I look at Barnaby’s shocked expression.

“You mean they found her?! Since when dude?!”

“I dunno, really, im heading for the department to figure this out right now.”

As the elevator stops, a happy voice echoes across the speakers “Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Wizengamot court, Precinct and Auror’s Office”

As we both get out of the elevator, a radiant Barnaby accompanied me towards the precinct, passing through the cubicles where dozens of diligent law workers went through their day.

“Ha, that sure is good news my man.”

“Yeah, but im still a bit worried, shes being held in trial tomorrow. I sure hope that I can help her about this.”

“Hey man, you’re the best attorney that ever appeared on this place. You’ll get your girl scott free, im sure of that!”

As I was saying thanks to him for the compliment, a little paper plane started to darts towards Barnaby, hitting him right on his forehead. “Ouch, whats is this?” As he picked it up, the plane started to open itself, revealing to be a howler, that screamed with an ever so familiar voice. “BARNABY LEE, GET YOUR ASS IN YOU POST RIGHT.NOW. IF I CAUGH YOU SLOUCHING OR GOING CHIT-CHATTY AGAIN IM GOING TO MAKE YOU SCRUB ALL OF THE TOILETS IN THE ENTIRETY OF THE MINISTRY” As the howler started screaming, all of the people in the cubicles started looking, but when they noticed that it was about Barnaby they quickly lost interest, as if it was a common occurrence.

Putting his right hand on the back of his head, Barnaby looked at me in an apologetic manner. “Sorry ya had to see that, my boss is on my ass all the time.”

“Dont worry, but you better get back on your post ASAP dude, I don’t want to see Felix mad at you again.”

“Yeah, im going then, smell ya later Ymous! And say to Merula that I said hi!” The big guy started to run towards the elevators again.

As I approach the door to the precinct, I feel my stomach churn in anticipation. Its been a while that I’ve felt so nervous, but I steeled myself and opened the door.

OCTOBER 9, 9:28 AM  
PRECINCT

Two steps inside the precinct, and I already hear the distinctive sound of someone tripping over something. “God dammit, not again!” I approach the source of the sound, to see one old friend on the floor, having somehow managed to drop a step ladder on top of herself (where did she even find one?).

Olivia Gumshoe, noticing my getting near her, quickly get up, giving me her best ‘whooopsie’ smile.

“Still the same as always, eh Clumsy?”

“Heh heh, you know how I am Anon” She says, rubbing the back of her head with an apologetic smile.

Olivia, or Clumsy, as everyone calls her, completely deserves that nickname. Ever since we were kids she managed to get herself in all kinds of different predicaments, like falling down stairs, dropping dangerous potions on the ground, even making a few professors stay in the care of Madam Pomfrey for a while (poor Snape, may he rest in heaven). How in the hell she ended up landing a job as a detective for the ministry totally failed me, but oh well, im not the one in charge of hiring people here.

“So Anon, what do you need? Im kinda busy today.”

“Oh, its nothing, I got a letter from the ministry today and I kinda need to talk to someone on the precinct today, you know?”

“Oooh, a new case? Who’s the detective in charge?”

“Its you, Clumsy” “Wait, what, I don’t remember being in charge of any ne- OOOH yeah the Murk case!”

“Yep, and I need to talk to the suspect, they put me as her defense attorney for her trial tomorrow.”

Clumsy furrows her brow in a quizzical manner. “They are already holding a trial? That’s kinda quick, eh pal.”

“That’s how the ministry works I guess.”

“No need to beat around the bush then, best we get you and her talking. But im going to warn ya, she seems, a little ‘different’ than the last time”

“Don’t worry, I’ll manage.”

“If you say so, to the visitors area we go then!” She say cheerfully, and just like that, Clumsy starts to walk, guiding me to the visitors area.

“Wait, wrong way.” She turns around and steps on my feet, twice, quickly regaining her pace while she apologizes to me. She truly never changes.

OCTOBER 9, 9:34 AM  
PRECINCT, VISITOR’S AREA

I sit quietly, waiting for her to arrive. I feel the nervousness building inside of me. Its been what, 8 years ever since I saw her last time? The last thing that I recall is her saying that she loved me the night before she went away. These memories still hurt, beyond what I could describe.

Before I could decide on what to say, I hear the door beyond the glass protection in front of me opening. Raising my head, I see a guard motioning someone to enter the room. As she finally enters, I take a few seconds to ingrain her appearance on my mind.

She looked almost the same as she was 8 years ago. Her hair was longer, going beyond the shoulders, but her distinctive patch of golden hair was still plastered on top of her head. She looked thin, weak, her pace a little discomposed. But something seemed different. Her purple eyes, the same ones that looked at me so tenderly before, where now bloodshot, looking at me with anger, and her beautiful features where twisted in a scornful smile, her small button nose perking up in disgust and bravado.

“Long time no see, Ymous.” She said, as she sat down on the opposite end.

“Merula, you… seem different.”

“Oh, no, my dear little Ymous, im the same girl as aways!” She says, giggling to herself.

Her mannerisms have changed quite a lot in these recent years. She always had that aura of supposed superiority, but never of utter disgust over the people near her. And any kind of warmth that she had on her voice seemed to have disappeared as well.

“Perhaps you want a little smooch of something, to remember the old times, eh?” Making a kissing face, she looks at me in a manner that begged everything, minus a kiss.

“Well, I missed you, really. What happened to you? What did you do to get here? Tell me, please.”

She snorts once, and looks at her now broken nails. “Oh, you know, simple girly stuff, went to travel a lil bit, joined the death eaters, beat the shit out of a lot of people, you know, simple.stuff.” She emphasizes the last two words, as if everything that she just said was something that she did on a Sunday afternoon.

“But this time, oooh this time it was fun my little Ymous! It was delightful to see those little weepy mudbloods dying in front of me! It was so much fun you know? Great, great fun! Haha!” She spins on her seat, a look of bliss on her face.

“You killed those people then. Why?”

“oh, why, my dear? You ask WHY? They were mudbloods of course, do I even need any other reason?”

“Huh, I guess not eh? So you became a pure blood supremacist after all this time. Well, no matter. I came here to, besides seeing you, to inform that I am now you lawyer. Your case will be tomorrow morning and I will be defending you.”

“Ha, good luck at that, Ymous.”

“Don’t worry Merula, im going to free you, and im going to find the truth about this case.” I say, getting up, a look of determination on my eyes.

“We’ll see about that.” She says, getting up as well, her scornful smile changing in a serious, violent face.

As I make my leave, Clumsy was waiting for me in anticipation. “So, how was it pal?”

“Well, I got a few things about the case already, but im going to need your help, Clumsy.”

“My help? Really? Well, what do you need, im all ears.”

“Im going to need the autopsy report for the victims, and I need access to the crime scene.”

“Oh boy, this is gonna be kinda hard, but I will see what I can do. But why, did she say something weird?”

“Yeah, she did. But im certain of one little thing.”

“What?”

“That woman, she surely isn’t Merula.”

OCTOBER 9, 9:50 AM  
MURK RESIDENCE

The landing was easy, I ended up falling on top of a soft patch of grass. The problem was the slightly heavy clumsy witch on top of me. “Ugh, I really, really hate portkeys.” Tossing the old boot aside, Clumsy quickly gets up.

“Tell me about it, and hey, shouldn’t you stop with the donuts? You getting a little on the heavy side of the spectrum, you know.” I say to her, getting up as well.

As red as a tomato, Clumsy puffs her cheeks. “Hey pal, I don’t tell ya how to live your life!” She starts walking away from me, stomping her feet, almost falling by stepping on her oversized coat. Its always fun to tease her.

I quickly get near her, looking on my surrounding’s. We are near an large state on top of a steep hill, the color green plastered all over the place. When we get near the entrance, we see the name on top of the gate ‘MURK STATE’.

“Never thought Ismelda would have such a large mansion.”

“I know right.” And with that, Clumsy pushes the gate open, and we enter the old mansion.

As we walked by, I noticed the various members of the police force running around, talking with the employees of the mansion.

“Hey, you still didn’t explain to me what you meant about that.”

“About what?”

“You know pal, about the Merula that we captured, that she isn’t the real one and what not.”

“Oho, don’t worry, you’re gonna get it soon enough.” Looking at her with a small smile, Clumsy raises her eyebrow in confusion.

“And by soon I believe it’s the trial.”

“Yep.”

“Sigh, alright, alright, I cant really get what’s on your mind anyway. Im going to talk to a few of my men, just do your thingy and I will get your autopsies reports and what not.” Clumsy then goes inside the mansion, but not before she manages to fall on top of a poor house elf that was running around. I hear a muffled ‘goddamit’ in Clumsy’s voice.

Helping the poor creature get up, I notice how much he/she was shaking. I can never tell which ones are male or female, but no matter.

“Hey little buddy, you alright?”

“Y-yes master, pardon Screech’s clumsiness, Screech shouldn’t make an honorable wizard like you w-worry about a thing like her!” Her voice was cracky, like a literal screech, guess that’s how she got that name. She starts apologizing and weeping, holding her small hands on top of her eyes.

“Hey, hey, calm down. Its no biggie, really. Say, can I talk to you for a sec, Screech was it?”

Her eyes get slightly bigger (if that is even possible) when she looks at me. “O-of course, it’s a pleasure to talk to such an honorable wizard like you!”

“Alrighty then, do you work here Screech?”

“Yes, I do, I serve the honorable M-Murk family, sir. Lady I-I-Ismelda and her husband Sir Avery.”

“Good, then you can answer a few of my questions.” Putting the thought that Ismelda actually married on the back of my head (I don’t keep contact with that thing, really) I clear my mind and start to talk.

“Do you know what happened here?”

The question makes her flinch a little, her eyes darting around. “Y-yes, I do. A-a few days ago, this h-honorable guest came to visit us, she stayed for a while in my mistress company. B-b-b-b-but one day, she- ARGH DON’T.TALK.ABOUT.IT.DONT.TALK.ABOUT.IT.” She drops on all fours and starts to bang her head against the pavement.

Picking her up before she breaks her head, I notice that she is clenching her fists. Something is clearly wrong. “Ok, calm down, calm down. I know about most of what happened, I just wanna ask you if you know about anything that I don’t.”

Calming herself a little, she rubs her forehead. “I d-don’t know sir, my mistress said that I shouldn’t say m-much to outsiders, I cant tarnish the h-h-honorable name of the Murk family!”

This sure feels hopeless, I think but I cant help but feel that this little thing knows about something important. “Well, can you at least tell me about you? Do you like working here, Screech?”

“I-I do… I feel proud of my work, and lady I-Ismelda treats me well….” Ismelda, treating someone well, now thats a surprise.

“She must have changed ever since I went to Hogwarts with her then, she wasn’t really big on the ‘treating well’ business while I was there.”

She looks at me with scared eyes, backing away a little.

“Whats wrong?”

“Y-you know the mistress? Y-You cant be here then! You really need to go away sir!”

“Why, is something the ma-“. Before I can finish, I see the biggest, oldest house elf running towards us.

“OY, SCREECH, WHAT ARE YE DOING ‘ERE, YE SHOULD BE IN THE BLOODY KITCHEN YE STUPID GIT” When the thing approachs, he picks Screech by the neck, lifting her up easily, and gives me a crooked smile.

“ ‘orry ye had to see dat sire, Creep here lost track of time ye see, and the little bugger managed to slip by me old fingers. Off we go now!” And just like that, the both of them went away with a small crack, apparating back towards the place they came.

Well, better talk to Ismelda then.

OCTOBER 9, 10:05 AM  
MURK RESIDENCE, ENTRANCE HALL

The place was tidier than I expected, especially considering that a murder took place in here not long ago. Besides the officers running around (and a few bloodstains and body marks) the entrance hall was quite the typical old wizard home, with a good chunk of talking portraits making a ruckus. Hard to believe that this is Ismelda’s home, I was expecting a lot more skulls and corpses hanging around. Weirdly there's no clear signs of struggle as well.

Clumsy notices me, and then waves to get me close to her. Besides her was a meek looking officer of the department, carrying a good amount of papers and fliers.

“Hey pal, got ya reports here.” She says, picking a small amount of fliers from the top o the pile. Poor guy, he seems to be close to collapsing from the weight.

“Thank you Meekins, you can go now.” She says to the scrawny guy. “S-SIR YES SIR, IM GOING NOW DETECTIVE GUMSHOE SIR.” He almost trips on himself trying to salute, and then stumbles away.

“I swear, that guy is almost as clumsy as I am.”

I flip through the fliers. All of them show the same cause for death: blood loss and severe injury. The photos weren’t pretty to look at, each of the corpses looked more beaten and mauled than the other.

“Damn, that’s quite the gruesome way to die, kinda hard to believe that someone managed to do this to a bunch of wizards.”

“Yeah, and all of them were muggle borns too, with no correlation to each other, you see.” She points to the names, Walker, Suomy, all of them from different parts of England, there was even a brazillian dude in the middle of it.

“Do we even know what spell was used to make this much damage?”

“Sadly no, we didn’t manage to find her wand.”

“Huh, interesting. Well, im going to do a little digging myself, thank you for the help Clumsy.”

“No problemo pal, when ya need to get back just tell me, I got another portkey ready for us both.” She says, taking a coin from her pocket. Ugh, I hate portkeys.

Excusing myself, I pick up my wand and start flicking it, chanting a few detection charms. No luck. It seems that no spell was used in here, besides the ones used by the department to preserve the scene. Huh, no wand and no spells, probably something else was used as the weapon for the crime. But what could make so much damage?

Not convinced, I flick my wand again, trying to catch anything, even a glimpse of magic that could have been used in here. After a solid minute of tinkering, I feel a small, faint chink of magic. “Its seems someone used the eradication spell, hah!” A coy smile forms on my face. Someone tried to hide the traces of magic used in here, but made a sloppy job to hide the charm used to do so! That’s great evidence.

Moving along, I decide to check the upper floor now, to see if I can find Ismelda or her husband, Avery.

OCTOBER 9, 10:22 AM  
MURK RESIDENCE, UPPER FLOOR

Going up, I arrive at an rather luxurious looking dining hall, with a long table in the middle of it. Sitting on eat, enjoying what seemed to be a normal breakfast, was a rather nice looking man, with a long mustache and a pale complexion, with a gentle smile on his face as he was eating his serving of fruit. Besides him was… Ismelda, probably the last person I wanted to see in the world, if not for the circumstances.

She was wearing a simple green dress. She still had her weird man-jaw, but besides that she almost seemed pretty. Her eyes were lacking her old, usual hate filled gaze, being replaced by a gentle, calm look. When she noticed me, she waved, a small smile on her face. She took me by the hand to greet me.

“Hello Ymous! Its been a while, hasn’t it? What do I owe you the pleasure?” Her smile is more gentle than I remembered.

“Oh, eh, hey Ismelda. Well, Im here In official business, actually.”

“Oh, I see. Well, care to join us for our meal? Ah, and what are my manners, this is my husband! Say hello to him, Avery!” She gestures to the older man, who quickly gets up.

He takes my hand on his and shakes it firmly. “Hello there, my friend. The names Avery, previously Niceman but now a proud Murk! And what is yours?”

“Its Ymous, Anon Ymous.”

“Oho, my dear Ismelda told me about you, sir Ymous. A good friend from her school years I see.”

Good friend? Well, I wouldt put it that way really. She usually tried to kill me, even more than Merula. Either way, I take their offer and take a place across the table, picking a serving of pickled fruit. Cant refuse free food man.

“So, what business do you have at our lovely home?” Ismelda says, gently eating from her plate. Theres really something wrong with her, I can tell.

“Well, im here to see the scene of the crime. I was appointed as the defense attorney for this case, you see. I need to build the case for the suspect.”

Avery looks at me, his warm eyes looking a little bit more stern. “Is that so? Well, im afraid theres not much of a case for you in here, mister Ymous. You could clearly see what that woman did to our home. And to even think that we gave shelter to that Merula!” The mention of “Merula” made Ismelda shiver.

“That’s for me to see Mister Avery, I need to see my job trough, and try to prove the truth if possible.”

“Either way, I’d like to make a few question to you both.”

“Hah, go ahead, but im afraid we don’t have much information that you cant get from your officer friends.”

“Well, where were you both during the night of the crime?”

“We were playing quidditch with a few friend of ours, im afraid. In this case, our alibi is air tight.” Chuckling to himself, Avery picked a little more food from the table.

“I see, and what about that part where you said you gave Merula shelter?” Another shiver from Ismelda.

“That woman arrived a few day ago, saying that she was an old friend of my wife. We gave her a place to stay and warm food, but the second we leave her alone she does such a… such a horrible thing to our house!”

“Interesting, did she ever tell you both were she came from?”

“She said she was fleeing from something, we didn’t want to pry so we didn’t ask her much.”

“I see, so, can you say to me th-“ Avery raises his right hand, interrupting me. “Im afraid this is enough, kind sir. I will ask you to leave us alone now, we want to enjoy the rest of our meal in peace.”

“Very well then.”

As I was getting up, Ismelda grabs my hand and shakes it again. “It was a pleasure to see you again, Ymous.”

Looking at her eyes, I see a faint glimmer of something that seemed sadness. Before I could ask anything, I feel Avery’s heavy hand on my back, hushing me to go away.

As I went down the stairs, I notice a small piece of paper, folded on my hand. Opening it, theres a single phrase written on it, in a red ink. “HELP ME”

Feeling a tinge of dread, I dart back up, just to see that no one was on the table anymore. Before I leave, I see a single, small bottle on top of the table, on the side that Ismelda was sitting. Picking it up, I notice that theres still a little bit of whatever it contained. I pick the bottle and put it in my pouch, taking my leave.

OCTOBER 9, 10:40 AM  
MURK RESIDENCE, ENTRANCE FLOOR

I look around for Clumsy, ready to talk to her about my worries, but I don’t find her anywhere. I don’t see any of the officers as well. Noticing my confusion, a portrait of a bearded, aged man starts to talk to me. “Your friends are outside already, friend. Orders from the head of the house, ya see.”

"Thank you. I will take my leave then.” Motioning myself towards the exit, the portrait calls me. “Be careful around others, boy! Appearances can be deceiving, especially to wizards!” Laughing heartily, the portrait ignores my barrage of questions, and I promptly exit the mansion.

OCTOBER 9, 10:45 AM  
MURK RESIDENCE

I finally see Clumsy, who was waiting for me down in the hill. It seems all the other officers went home already. When I approach, she looks at me with a curious expression. “What happened, pal? You look pretty bad.”

“Theres something really wrong with this place.”

“No kidding, while we were just minding our business that weird house elf, I think his name is Creeapo or something, appeared and started to scream ‘OY YE GET THE HELL OUTTA MAH MASTERS HOMEY’” Making her best house elf impression, Clumsy starts to laugh, and I (initially reluctantly) join in too.

Our laughter was interrupted when we heard a loud screech, that sounded like a wounded animal. Giving Clumsy a quick glance, I dart to the source of the sound, a small wooden house, hidden at the side of the main mansion.

When we arrive, we see the cause for such a commotion: A large, beautiful Hippogriff, chained to the wall of the house, being beaten by that weird, old house elf.

“YE DO THE THINGIES MASTER WANT YA TO DO PROPERLY, YE STINKY BIRD POO-“ Noticing us, he stops, and quickly apparates away. The proud animal looks at us with sad eyes, motioning us to open his lock. I feel pained to see the animal in that state, but as I move to help it, we hear the distinctive sound of steps, a lot of them to be exact.

Picking my hand, Clumsy looks at me. “We have to get out, I have a bad feeling about this.” She then picks the portkey and I feel the distinctive hook in my belly button, pushing me forward.

OCTOBER 9, 10:53 AM  
PRECINCT

Clumsy once again lands on top of me. “Goddammit Clumsy, this hurts!”

She gets up once again, puffing her cheeks. “What am I supposed to do, I cant help it!”

Straightening my back, I pick the small vial on my pocket and hand it to her.

“Hey, whats this?”

“I found it at the Murks, I feel its important stuff. Can you and your team analyze it for me? I need to know what type of potion this is.” She looks at the pallid liquid.

“Huh, I don’t know what this is, but im sure of one thing, someone mixed the content with a hide-away potion.”

“And whats that?”

“Its quite the convenient little thing, actually, you just mix it with your potion and you change the color, taste and even stickness of the potion. It doesn’t work in all of them though. I’ll have It analyzed ASAP, so don’t worry pal.”

Giving me a thumbs up, Clumsy excuses herself, going inside a door, but not before she said goodbye. “Also, say to Rowan and Penny that I said hi!” Clumsy then falls face flat on the ground again, making poor officer Meekins fall alongside her.

Better go back home now, before she falls on me again.

OCTOBER 9, 12:10 AM  
KHANNA RESIDENCE

When I get home, I’m greeted by a ever so happy Hazel, jumping on my neck and almost making me fall on my ass. “Uncle Ymmy! You’re finally home!” She snuggles on my chest, smiling happily, her hair braided on two long braids, like her mother used to wear. Rowan appears, picking Hazel up (much to her protests).

“So hey, how was it man?”

“Sigh, stressing, difficult, and kinda weird, actually.”

“Really? Well, do you even have a case then?” He looks at me, and I give him my best smirk, the one reserved to the times we both made some remarkable scheme when we were at our old school.

“I sure do buddy.”

As we were both chatting, we hear the door opening, just to see miss Khanna (neé Haywood) entering. Sporting her hair in a simple, bob cut that screamed “MOM”, Penny was still a beauty, even after giving birth. Rowan sure is a lucky bastard.

“Mommy!” Hazel gives Penny of on her characteristic neck breaker hug, the young mother looking quite tired.

“Hey, sweetie, how are you?” Rowan goes towards them both, picking the groceries and putting them on the table.

“Tough day, Penny?” I ask her, motioning her to sit down.

“Yep, 5 jinxed toilets, 8 muggles soaked. I swear in the name of Merlins beard, if I catch the guy that did this im going to strangle him by his- hair” Noticing Hazel, Penny quickly watches her language. Cant have the child cursing as much as the mother now.

“Anyway, what about you, did you do anything interesting?”

I tell her about everything that happened so far, about the latter, Merula, the Murks, and the poor Hippogriff. When I end, she looks at me, mesmerized.

“Wow, you sure had an way more interesting day than I did.” We small talk for a bit, Rowan bringing us a bit of his homemade cooking, and soon Penny goes back to her job, giving both Hazel and Rowan a small peck on the cheek.

“Well, im going to write a few things down now. I need to prepare for the big day tomorrow.” As I get up, Hazel tucks on my leg, with pleading eyes.

“Uncle Ymmy, you wont play with me?” She looks like shes ready to cry.

With a look of exasperation, Rowan just shrugs at me. “You gotta do your part too, Uncle Ymmy.”

Sighing, I sit down with a now joyful Hazel, feeling like im as much of a parent to her as Rowan and Penny are.


	2. Wizarding Turnabout - The Trial

OCTOBER 10, 9:40 AM  
WIZENGAMOT DISTRICT COURT  
DEFENDANT LOBBY n˚2

“Are you sure you’ll be fine?” Penny asked me for the umpteenth time today.

“I will Penny, don’t worry.” I say, slightly trembling as I drink my coffee. “Besides, shouldn’t you be at work now?”

“Well, after yesterday’s incident-” The memory of the toilets sprinkling water on her made Penny flinch a little. “-my boss allowed me to take the day off.”

“That’s nice of you, but you really should go home Penny. Im fine really.”

“You clearly aren’t, Anon. And you really shouldn’t be so worried. You have a solid case!”

“Yeah, but I received a letter today. Tulip’s gonna prosecute.”

Tulip Karasu. During our school years she was quite the “rebellious” girl. No wonder she ended up as one of Merula’s friend. But after we graduated, she manage to get a position as one of the top prosecutors of the Wizengamot, initially thanks to the help of her parents, but soon thanks to her own merits. Her quite ascending on her career made her the target of a good amount of rumors, saying she forged evidence or threatened the judge for favorable judgments. Nonetheless, her reputation as one of the most ruthless prosecutors preceded her. The fact that we were friends wouldn’t mean much inside of the court.

“Hey guys! Talking about me?”

“!”

Tulip suddenly appears, apparating inside the room with a small, unnoticeable crack, holding a few case files under her arm. During trials she always wore that old fashioned cravat on top of a deep crimson coat (family tradition, she says), coupled with her new shining glasses, giving her an air of supposed superiority.

“Tulip. Still playing pranks as always.” I hold my hand towards her, the young prosecutor picking it with her usual enthusiasm.  
“Of course Ymous. Especially against you.” A playful smile across her face, Tulip picks a single file from her small pile, handing it over to me. “Anyway, I came here to give you this, I believe this will be important on the trial today.”

The file contained info about Merula; it was apparently her criminal record. No charges were pressed against her besides the recent one, but she was still filled as a “potential death eater”. Her height, eye color, hair color, descriptions about her appearance, everything was there, including information about the wand that she used when she attended Hogwarts, a 18,25 centimeters beauty, made of willow with a phoenix feather core, slightly bendy.

“Thank you for this, Tulip. But, im afraid that you didn’t give this to me without a reason, eh?”

“Oh, don’t worry, my dear Ymous. I just gave this to ya so you could have something else to work with. Because, sadly, this case is already over.” Tulip glared at me, any warmth gone from her eyes.

“She was your friend, you know” Penny said, her eyes meeting hers.

“Correct, she was. And I need to do my job. I cant let personal feelings get to me. As a lawyer, I know that you understand it, Ymous.”  
“I do, Tulip. But I trust Merula, and you know that.”

“She was still accused of wrong doing, she is the suspect of a murder case, from Merlin’s sake! You need to close your heart for these matters, my friend. That’s what a lawyer needs to do.”

“A lawyer, perhaps. But not a defense attorney. I trust my clients with my life.”

Our serious exchange was interrupted by a ever so happy Clumsy, running towards us. “Hey everyone! Are y’all ready for the trial?” She also managed to make Tulip drop her files, just to keep on the customs.

After picking her things, Tulip excuses herself. “I hope that today we will find a mutual agreement, Ymous.”

“I feel the same, Karasu. Don’t be sad when I prove you wrong.”

I crack my fists, reading myself for the trial. Finally I would be able to see Merula again, to set her free.

“Well, I’ll be watching the trial then. Hope everything goes fine.” Penny hugs me and then leaves, a little of my worries going away as I see her exiting.

“Hey pal, I also brought to ya the lab results.” She handles me the small vial and another paper. It’s the exact result that I expected.  
“Thank you Clumsy, this one will be vital for todays case.”

“I just don’t understand, why was this potion in there?”

“Oh, you will see, Clumsy.”

“Well, ready for the trial then, pal?”

“As ready as I can be.” I instinctively put my hand towards the pouch on the left side of my coat. There, I always carry with me a small plushie doll, the one that I gave to Merula in our first date, a small stuffed black bird. For good luck.

“Good, I’ll help ya with this one, I want Merula free as much as you do!”

“….I don’t think that’s necessary, Clumsy.”

“Nah, don’t be like that, im sure I’ll be helpful- GAH!” Clumsy manages to go face first against the door of the courtroom. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I help Clumsy get up. Today will be a long day.

OCTOBER 10, 10:00 AM  
WIZENGAMOT DISTRICT COURT  
COURTROOM n˚ 8

The courtroom was as loud as ever. The ear shattering sound of dozens of people talking at the same time was only interrupted by the loud band of the judge’s gavel.

“The court is now in session for the trial of Ms. Merula Snyde.” Said the judge, Elphias Doge, sporting now a long beard fashioned after his old deceased friend, the old cryptic headmaster of Hogwarts, Dumbledore, in chief contrast with his glistening, balding head. Weird to see the chief warlock himself presiding over a trial as seemingly mundane as this one, but oh well.

“The defense is ready, your honor.”

“The prosecution is also ready, your honor.” Tulip leans back on her chair, a smug grin towards me.

This will be the second time that I will ever face Tulip on a trial, but the first in a official one. Memories of our time in Hogwarts flash by, to the “class trial” that we held in our fourth year.

“Hope you’re ready for a major ass beating, Ymous!”

“…!”

“Ahem.” The judge clears his throat, clearly annoyed. “The prosecution will refrain from the usage of such language in the court.”

“Yes, your honor.” Tulip frowns.

“Anyway, your opening statement, Miss Karasu.”

“Very well. Miss Merula Snyde commited murder against 13 muggleborns, at the Murk Residence, on October 8, 1999. That is a fact, and I came here to prove that as such.”

The loud chatter on the courtroom grew even larger after what she said, being interrupted by the judges gavel once more. “Order!”

“Wow, shes being quite forceful, eh?” Clumsy says, looking impressed.

“If we may call our first witness, your honor, the prosecution call the chief officer on the scene, Miss Olivia Gumshoe.”

“Oh shucks, that’s me.” Olivia goes towards the witness stand, looking as fidgety as ever. Before she gets there, however, she trips on her coat again. “Goddammit!” Why the hell does she even use that thing?

Fighting back her laughter, Tulip clears her throat. “Please, state your name and occupation.”

“Sir! My names Olivia Gumshoe, sir! I’m a detective for the department of Magical Law Enforcement, sir!” Every time she gets nervous, Clumsy starts to talk in a over polite manner.

“Detective Gumshoe, please describe the details of the murder.”

“Sir, yes sir! We found 13 bodies on the entrance hall of the Murk residence, and as you said, all of them were muggleborns sir!”

“And the cause of death was?”

“They were all mauled to death, sir. A few of them had torn limbs or their entrails were scattered across the floor. Quite the gruesome sight, I tell ya.” Clumsy trembles with the memory.

“Do we know what spell was used?” The Judge asks, appearing quite stricken by the description.

“Sadly not sir. We found the suspects wand in the crime scene, but no spell traces were found in it! But we did find that someone tampered with the scene, with a eradication spell, sir!” Clumsy shows to the court a wand. The one that she was holding seemed a little shorter than the one Merula used in Hogwarts. Maybe she changed it?

“That’s seems like hard enough evidence. You immediately arrested Miss Snyde, right?”

“Yes, I did. We had hard evidence for that. A witness, actually.”

“Interesting, is it not, your honor? I don’t think there’s any doubt that Snyde was the perpetrator.” Tulip does an exaggerated bow, victory written on her face.”

“Well see about that. Miss Gumshoe, thank you for what you had to say. I think its time for us to talk with this witness. Miss Karasu, if you please.”

“Very well, your honor. The prosecution would like to call its next witness.”

Clumsy goes back to her place besides me, looking a bit saddened. “Sorry, pal, I think I made your work a lil bit harder now.”

“Don’t worry, Clumsy. You just did your job. And im going to do mine.”

The next witness arrives to the stand, being guided by the bailiff (which was Barnaby, for some reason. They are probably short staffed again, or Felix made him do some extra work as punishment). The small house elf, Screech, looks nervously towards the floor.

“Witness, please state your name and occupation.” Tulip quickly says.

“M-m-my names Screech, ma’am. I-im just a poor house elf, working in the care of La-lady Murk and her h-husband.”

“Where were you when the murder occurred?” Looking disinterested, Tulip starts to file her nails, clearly only to annoy me.

“I-I was doing my job, c-cleaning my master’s bedroom!” Screech holds her ears, trying to protect herself from the constant scratching.

“Miss Karasu, can you do your manicure OUTSIDE of my courtroom?” The Judge holds his ears as well.

“Oh, sorry about that.” Shrugging it off, Tulip puts away her nail file.

Good lord, am I surrounded by idiots?

“Anyway, if we don’t have any more INTERRUPTIONS-“ The judge looks at Tulip, who shrugs again “- Then we can resume this trial. I need to finish this soon; I have a lunch to attend. Please, testify to the court about what you saw, Screech.

“Y-yes, sir…”

(Oh boy, here we go.)

WITNESS TESTIMONY  
-WITNESS’S ACCOUNT-

“I don’t know the exact time, but…”

“After finishing my work, I heard a c-commotion on the lower hall….”  
“I heard s-s-s-screams, and what sounded like a b-beast screeching….”  
“I-I apparated there, and the first thing that I saw was…”  
“That woman, the woman my master’s gave shelter t-to, f-few nights ago…”  
“She was c-covered in blood, and, and….”  
“The b-bodies where in front of her….”

“As you can see, your honor-“ Tulip gestures towards the elf -“Little ol’ Screech here just said everything that happened, Merula Snyde murdered those people!” The sound of chatter echoes across the courtroom again, with Tulip doing her exaggerated bow once again.

BANG BANG BANG “ORDER, I WILL HAVE ORDER” The judge sounds his gavel once again. “That’s quite the bold statement to make so early in the trial, Miss Karasu, does the defense have anything to say?”

“I do, your honor.” I raise my voice, looking at Tulip. “I believe that my client in completely innocent, and that she was framed for a crime she didn’t commit!” More loud chatter comes, quickly subsiding with the bangs of the gavel.

“Another bold statement! But very well, Mister Ymous. Can you prove your claims?”

“I sure can, your honor. I ask to cross exanimate the witness!”

“Very well, you may start, mister Ymous.”

(Time to take this seriously!)

CROSS EXAMINATION

I look deeply into Tulip’s eyes, as if I was challenging her for a duel. She answer’s my gaze in equal intensity.

“So, you said you don’t know what the time was, right? Don’t you have any estimative?”

“i-im afraid not, sir. Im not really good at c-counting.”

“That’s quite the useless question, Ymous. Go on and quit wasting time!” Tulip gestures towards the judge, who looked slightly annoyed.

(Always a bitch, eh tulip?)

“Don’t lose focus pal, you can do this!”

“Anyway, you heard screaming. Did you recognize the screams?”

“N-no, I didn’t, they were from people that I didn’t know.”

“Pointless question again, Ymous. Move on!”

“Do make sure to make this quick, mister Ymous, or I will have to penalize you.”

(Gah, why is everyone so impatient today?)

“Alright, alright. Another question then, Screech. You heard a beast screaming? What kind of beast?”

“Pointless question number three! Woohoo!” Tulip raises her arms, as if she was cheering.

(Shut it, you stupid woman!)

“I don’t think this is pointless! This may change a lot of what we think about this trial.”

“W-w-well… I actually heard that scream b-before that d-day….”

“!”

“You did? So why didn’t you say so before? Especially to ME?” Tulip looks at Screech, seething with anger.

“So, what beast made that scream?” I ask again.

“It w-was… an H-hippogriff, s-sir.”

“A hippogriff? Puff. As if anyone would have a freaking Hippogriff at their home!” Wiggling her finger, Tulip smirks.

“As a matter of fact, Tulip-“ I put my hands on my hips, smirking back at her “-the Murks actually have an Hippogriff at their home!”

“GAH!” Tulip darts her body back, looking shocked “-Why wasn’t I informed of that!”

“Whoopsie, I thought that wasn’t important.” Clumsy scratches the back of her head, a clumsy smile on her face.

“Very well, very well, they have a Hippogriff. HOWEVER!” Doing his best Dumbledore impression, the judge gestures towards me once again.  
“What does this have to do with this trial?”

“Your honor, may I remember you of a little thing?” I pick the paper that was being filled with a transcript of the trial. Thank Merlin for instant copying quills!

“Detective Gumshoe here said that the department wasn’t able to found any spell traces on the scene, besides the ones that were used to modify it slightly, right?

“Yes, she did.” The judge caress his beard, looking attentive.

“The bodies were also found on the scene, mauled and with serious injuries, right?”

“Yes, they were. Where are you going with this, mister Ymous?”

“I claim, your honor, that the actual murderer in this case-“ I slam both my hands on my stand. “Was the Hippogriff!”

“OBJECTION!” Tulip points at me, breaking the silence that permeated the room. “That’s preposterous, an Hippogriff doesn’t attack out of nowhere like that! And besides, how did the beast even get inside of the state?”

“Obviously, someone guided it inside the manor, provoked the Hippogriff, making it attack the victims, all of this just to frame Merula Snyde of a crime she didn’t commit!”

“But who did, Ymous! That’s the biggest hole in your absurd theory!”

“Yeah pal, she does have a point. Im kinda lost on this one.”

“Oh, but I do have someone in mind! Screech, who takes care of the Hippogriff?”

“T-the oldest house elf in the house is responsible f-for the c-care of m-mister Avery’s pets…”

“So-” Tulip shakes her head, mockingly –“You are implying that the house elf did it? Really?”

“Oh, im not implying that. Im implying that someone commanded the house elf to do it!”

The silence is only broken by Tulips crackling laugh. “Oh dear, accusing the Murks now, are ya?”

“I sure am.” I say confidently, putting my hands on my hips once again.

“……”  
“……”  
“……”

“God damn Ymous, you’re more stupid that I remember.”

“In what basis are you declaring this, Mister Ymous?”

“D-don’t a-accuse my m-masters l-like that!”

(Great, now everyone’s against me)

“That’s quite bold, pal. But knowing ya, you sure have a reason to say this, right? Right?”

I close my eyes, trying to put together my thoughts. If im not mistaken, this next move could make me win or lose the trial.

“Im declaring that the true culprit for this case is one of the Murks, that tried to frame Merula so they could get scott free from this crime!”

“OBJECTION! Your honor, the defense is clearly making up things on the go! This cant be true!”

“OBJECTION! Your honor, I have evidence that proves the contrary!”

“So show it to us, Ymous!”

“I….i cant”

“……”  
“……”  
“……”

“WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN’S BALLS YOU MEAN BY YOU CANT!”

“ORDER, language, Miss Karasu! And mister Ymous, please do explain to us!”

“I cant show it, at least not now. We need to hear a testimony first to show it! Its from a extremely important witness!” I put my hand on the vial on my pocket. Time to prove Merula’s innocence!

“What witness, Ymous? I have the full list of witness with me, I don’t think that you can call anyone to help prove this inane theory of yours!” Tulip holds a paper on her hand, gesturing towards me with it.

“Well, in this case, I believe I will allow it. Mister Ymous, call your witness to the stand then.”

“C-can I g-go now?”

“Oh, yeah, Bailiff, escort the elf out of the courtroom.”

“With pleasure, your honor!” Barnaby winks at me, to show his support.

“Very well then. I call Merula Snyde for the stand!”

“…… You just called the main suspect, Ymous. How the hell can this help you?” Tulip pinches the bridge of the nose.

“Oh, you will see, Tulip.”

“This is unusual, but I will allow it. Bring Merula Snyde to the stand!”

A few seconds later, “Merula” arrives, her eyes still bloodshot with murderous intent.

“Heeeeey, Ymous! Seems like you couldn’t wait to see my face again, eh?”

“Merula. It’s a pleasure to see you again. Anyway, I need you to give your account about what happened on the night of the murder.”

“Oooh, that’s easy, actually! I killed them all!”

“Ha! You see Ymous! She even admits it! Your honor, you can clearly see that we don’t even need to progress this trial any further.”

“Quite eager to end it, eh Tulip? But dont worry, we will end this soon enough!”

“Order! You two, stop bickering like that! This isn’t a playground! Give us the full account of what happened, Miss Snyde.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll talk. Just to see little Ymous hope being shattered!”

(Im going to expose you, you fake!)

WITNESS TESTIMONY  
-NIGHT OF THE MURDER-

“The Murks are really stupid, you know?”  
“They ended up leaving me alone!”  
“Ha, way too trustworthy for their own good”  
“So I used the opportunity to find a few useless mudbloods, and…”  
“I took care of them, as you all can see!”  
“Mudbloods are a disgrace for us, wizards! I hate all of them!”  
“And with just a few flicks of my wand and boom! All of them, dead! Hahaha!”

“I don’t remember Merula being so much of an edgelord back in Hogwarts.” Clumsy scratches her chin, thinking.

“Heh, that’s because that isint Merula, Clumsy!”

“Wait, what? What are ya on about, pal?”

“Connect the dots, Clumsy. The potion that I gave to you for analysis, her weird new mannerisms, it all adds up!”

“Oooooh….. I don’t follow, pal.”

(Goddammit it feels like im talking to a brick wall, or Barnaby, same thing)

“Well, you will see soon, Clumsy. Your honor, I will make a cross examination of this testimony!”

“Go right ahead, Mister Ymous.”

CROSS EXAMINATION

“So, Merula. I have a few doubts about your statement.”

“Oh, you do? Do tell then, Ymous.”

“Yeah, I do. For starters, you said that you used your wand to do the act, right?”

“Yes, I did. Anything wrong with that, mate?” “Merula” smiles wickedly.

“Huh, interesting. Because I don’t remember your wand being that short!”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to insult me, you buffoon?”

“Oh no, not at all. Its because I remember quite well, and if you don’t trust me you can check this file-” I hold Merula’s file on my hand “-right here, that your wand was quite long actually.”

“….!”

“18,25 centimeters long, to be exact!”

“HOLD IT! She could have changed her wand very easily in these past years!”

“OBJECTION! The only place that she could have obtained a new wand was in Ollivanders, and I don’t think he would sell one to a person that has been missing for so long!”

“OBJECTION! She could have stolen it as well!”

“ORDER! ORDER ON THE COURT! It seems we are in a stalemate in whether or not the wand found in the crime scene belonged to Miss Snyde.”

“You honor, if I may, we can easily solve this actually.” I raise my voice. Its all or nothing now!

“Oho, and how do you plan to do that, Ymous?”

“Its simple, Tulip. We just need the help on an specialist In wands. Aka: Mister Ollivander!”

“….. Oh, I didn’t think about that.”

(Seriously? And you call yourself a prosecutor?!)

“Huh, this is an interesting turn of events, but I believe that its worth a shot to look into this matter. The court will enter in a 30 minute recess, in order to summon mister Ollivander!” The sound of the gavel echoes once again, signaling the pause.

OCTOBER 10, 11:52 AM  
WIZENGAMOT DISTRICT COURT  
DEFENDANT LOBBY n˚2

“It feels like you’re just bullshiting your way through, pal.” Clumsy is happily munching on a donut, after almost making it fall to the ground.

“That’s how I roll, Clumsy. But we are close! Just a few more minutes and I will show the truth to all of ‘em!”

“If you say so.”

As I was arranging my notes, Ismelda enters the lobby.

“Hello, Ymous.” She says, looking slightly fidgety.

“Hello, Ismelda. Watching the trial?”

“Yes, I am. I actually came here to warn you, Ymous.”

“Huh?”

“Watch out for Avery.” When she says her husband’s name, all trace of warmth escapes from her voice, her new tender look on her eyes being substituted by a glare, one that I saw many times before. But not on her face.

“Whaf fo you mean, fal?” Clumsy tries to say through her stuffed cheeks.

“He’s more dangerous than you both think, he-“ Ismelda is interrupted by a hand being placed on her shoulder.

“Oh, my dear! I’ve been looking for you! Come, we need to go back to our seats.” Avery rushes Ismelda towards the door.

“Yes, dear.” Ismelda replys, her shoulders darting up with his touch.

“Mister Ymous.” Avery’s eyes glow for a brief second with an anger that I never saw before, but end up being quickly replaced by his usual, friendly gaze. “Hope that everything’s going alright in your end!”

“It is, Mister Murk. I feel like it won’t be long before the trial ends.”

“Is that so. I hope you’re right, I have a quidditch game at 3, so the sooner the better! Anyway, we better go now, my dear.”

“Yes dear.”

As she approaches the door, she waves at me, her eyes cloudy, as if she couldn’t focus them.

“What was that all about?” Clumsy finally finishes her donut, but picks a new one almost instantly.

“Just the confirmation that I needed.” I flick my hand once again. That sound recording spell is always useful.

OCTOBER 10, 12:20 PM  
WIZENGAMOT DISTRICT COURT  
COURTROOM n˚ 8

“……*snore*……*snore*…..”

“…..”

“….Eh….Judge?” Tulip says nervously.

“……*snore*…..”

“Judge?” Clumsy says, pluzzed.

“…….*snore*……*snore*…….*snore*…..”

“WAKEY WAKEY YOU OLD COOT!” “Merula” slams her hand on her stand.

“DUMBLEDORE FUCKED ME IN THE AR- Oh, ahem. The court is back in session!”

(By Merlin’s wand, this is a freaking madhouse)

“Oookaaaay… I'll pretend I didn’t hear that. Anyway, Mister Ollivander is here, your honor.”

“That’s good to hear, Miss Karasu. Bailif, escort Mister Ollivander to the stand, please.”

Ollivander arrives, looking slightly tired.

“Well, hello Doge. What do I owe this unexpected call?”

“Hello, Garrick. We have a matter in a discussion about a wand. Bailiff, can you give him the wand in question

“Yes, your honor!” Barnaby picks the wand and hands it to Ollivander, whose eyes shine upon looking at it.

“Ah, yes, yes. I remember this one. Ebony, dragon heartstring, exactly 10 centimeters long, yes, yes.” Ollivander then pulls the wand slightly. “Inflexible. Yes, this is one of mine. So what do you want to know?”

“Do you remember when and who bought this wand, Mister Ollivander?” I ask. Time to see if im correct or not!

“Yes, my friend. As a matter of fact, I do.” Ollivander smiles. “This wand was bought from me in August 17, 1984.” Tulip holds her breath, fearing the worst for her. “It was bought by a young witch, who was quite eager to attend Hogwarts. Her name was…. Ismelda Murk, if I recall.”

“HA! IN YOUR FACE TULIP! SO WHO GOT THE FAULTY THEORY NOW, HUH?”

“This proves nothing, Ymous! She could very well have stolen Ismelda’s wand!”

“Im afraid not, my dear” Mister Ollivander says to Tulip.

“What do you mean?”

“A wand’s isn’t won over easily. If miss Murk had lost the ownership of this wand-” He holds the wand close to his face “-I would know. And, I assure you, this one still very much belongs to miss Murk. And i remeber quite well the wand of that Miss over there.” He points at "Merula" "Willow, phoenix feather core, 18,25 centimeters, slightly bendy. A beauty."

“Urgh, that still doesn’t prove that Merula didn’t do it!”

“It proves that ‘Merula’ is lying through her teeth, at least! She couldn’t have used that wand to kill those people!”

“What he says is true.” Ollivander says. “Its extremely difficult to produce any noteworthy magic from a wand that isn’t finely attuned to you. And murder? That needs an extreme level of proficiency to be done using another wand besides yours, even if it is made using other means, besides the killing curse.”

“So her testimony is faulty from the beginning!”

“Blah blah blah-” Merula looks bored, rolling her eyes around. “So what if I didn’t use my wand? I still killed those mudbloods! Its easy to see that!”

“Well, theres one other thing, Merula.”

“Great, what is it again?”

“Before that-” Ollivander raises his hand “-Can I go now? I have wands to sell.”

“Go on, Ollivander. Bailif!” The judge says.

“Yes!”

“Escort him, if you please.”

“Yes!”

(at least Barnaby likes his job, I guess)

“As I was saying-” I resume “-Theres one more little thingy. Merula, you said before about how much you hated mudbloods, right?”

“Yeah yeah, I did. So what?”

“Well, this isn’t really factual evidence, buuuut….”

“If it isn’t evidence why are you wasting our time, Ymous?!” Tulip looks exasperated.

“Oh, its important. Just a little fact: did you forgot that you dated a mudblood?”

“!”

“I think it would be kinda difficult to believe that your opinion would change so drastically, especially since you knew that you dated one!”

“What are you trying to prove, Ymous?!” Tulip grinds her teeth, dismayed.

“That this woman-” I point towards the fake “- ISNT MERULA SNYDE!”

“……”  
“……”  
“……”

“And who the hell could she be then?”

“I don’t know!”

The sound of a collective facepalm echoes through the courtroom.

“You cant prove nothing, Ymous! You’re just talking shit for the sake of it!” “Merula glares at me. If she could cast non verbal spells im sure id be dead by now.

“OBJECTION! I have something to show you all that this Merula is fake!”

“And what is it then? Just show it, Mister Ymous, im losing my patience!”

“This!” I hold the small bottle in front of me.

“A bottle, really? What can this prove?” Tulip shakes her head in disbelief.

“This bottle was found at the Murk state. After an analysis by the department, they concluded that it contained Polyjuice Potion! So, I believe that this impostor drank polyjuice in order to impersonate Merula!”

“Polyjuice? Oh, dear polyjuice again?” The judge shakes his head.

“Judge?”

“Why does it have to always be polyjuice? I swear in the name of Merlin, why cant they be more creative?!”

“J-Judge?”

“Oh, right, sorry. Your claim, as always, is quite bold, mister Ymous.”

“But I believe that it is the truth, Judge! If possible, we need an antidote ASAP to minister to this fake! If the effect is reversed, we will know for sure who she is!”

“Very well. I see no reason not to try this theory. We wasted enough time as it is.” With a flick of his wand, the judge produces his patronus wordlessly – a small rat – who then goes to deliver the message.

A few seconds later, a small paper plane enters the courtroom, who then lands in front of “Merula”, transfiguring itself in a small goblet containing a colorless solution.

“Drink it, dear. If what mister Ymous says is true, this will prove everything.”

“Ha, very well, I will drink this, just to prove that this man is full of s-“ She suddenly stops, her eyes becoming unfocused. Her hand darts around, almost knocking the cup on the floor, which was saved by Barnaby.

“Bailiff, if you please, administer to her the potion.” The judge commands.

“Merula” tries to get away from Barbany’s grasp, resisting and almost biting his finger off when he puts the goblet on her mouth. Laughing it off, Barbany returns to his spot, after being certain that she drank all of its contents.

A few seconds later, the transformation starts. Her hair starts to fall, being quickly replaced by a mane of black hair, falling almost to her waist. Her eyes, once a beautiful shade of purple, turn green. Her jaw gets larger, and freckles pop across her face. After its over, we watch dumbfounded as we look at…. Ismelda.

“O-oh boy, this ‘bout to get ugly.” Says Clumsy.

As she finishes to say that, we see a red glow form a spell coming from the jury, almost hitting the judge. The spell came from Avery, who was now standing.

“Flippendo!” He scream, aiming for the judge.

“Incarcerous! Expelliarmus!” The judge screams, being followed by the security.

As I reach for my wand, I see “Ismelda” ( at least the one we thought to be Ismelda) tackling Avery to the ground the moment he loses his wand.

After the chaos ends, we see the real Ismelda on the ground, sleeping soundly, and the fake Ismelda pushing a now rope bound Avery to the witness stand.

“Hey, judge.” The fake Ismelda says. “- can I get a bit of that potion as well? Im tired of being Ismelda.”

“W-who are you?” I say, dumbfounded.

The witch smirks at me, a playfulness on her eyes that I haven’t seen in a long time. “Long time no see, Ymous. Glad to see you cant even recognize your girlfriend."

“M-Merula?”

“Damn right I am, you dumbo. Took you long enough to figure that out!”

Tulip just stands there, looking at us, her mouth agape. The judge then clears his throat.

“Well, this is an extremely unusual turn of events. But given the state of things, the open attack against a ministry judge, and the fact that the believed suspect isn’t in fact miss Merula Snyde, I believe its safe to declare my verdict already.”

“B-but, your honor!”

“No but’s, miss Karasu. This trial is enough of a mess as it is. I declare the defendant….

NOT GUILTY

As per tradition (a weird one, I tell you that) the judge conjures a bunch of confetti that then falls on top of us.

“H-hey, we won pal!” Clumsy says, giving me a path on the back (and almost making me fall to the ground).

“Goddammit!” I hear Tulip screaming, the loud bang of her head hitting the stand reverberating once again.

OCTOBER 10, 5:50 PM  
KHANNA RESIDENCE

“So, you’re saying-” Rowan starts, between bites of his muffin “-that Ismelda was Merula all along?”

“And vice versa, believe it or not.”

“Wow. And who was Avery in the end?”

“The judge made him drink the reverse-polyjuice too. He apparently was a fugitive, an ex-death eater. Macnair or something, worked as an executor for the ministry before you-know-who’s return.”

“But why did he do all of this?”

“He was after two things, actually. They made him drink veritaserum, nasty stuff. He wanted the Murk family money, and he wanted to clean he’s name after he gave into his murderous intents or something. Made the Hippogriff kill all those people and tried to frame Merula, using the imperius curse and all that. He called it ‘Poetic Justice’ or something, dunno what he meant.”

“And the real Avery?”

“Still missing, they are going to send a search party. Believe it or not the most weird thing that I got from all of this was that Ismelda was really married to that guy.”

“Wow-” Rowan then takes a sip of his tea, scrathing his head “-that’s quite lore dump, mate. Well, at least you won the case, and Merula’s back!” He gestures towards the kitchen, where a now, non-polyjuiced Merula, chatted with Penny.

“So you married Khanna? Really? Couldn’t you find anyone better?”

“Like you’re one to talk, you ended up with Ymous, for heaven’s sake!”

“Still better than you, Haywood.”

“Its Khanna now.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Also, you really don’t remember anything about these past years?” Penny looks at Merula with worry.

“I seriously don’t. Its all just…blank really. I still feel like im 18, like nothing’s changed.”

“Well, you seriously didn’t change, at least physically. I mean, besides your longer hair, you look exactly like you did 8 years ago!”

“Oh, shut up, don’t rub salt in the wound.”

I lost my focus while I listened to their conversation when I felt a small hand tugging my clothes. Looking down, I see Hazel, her eyes sparkling.

(Oh boy, when shes like this shes gonna make one of “those” questions).

“Uncle Ymmy, Uncle Ymmy!”

“Yes, Hazel?”

“T-that girl-” she points at Merula “-is she y-your, uh, girlfriend?”

“Y-yeah, why?”

“And, and, you went to rescue her today?!”

“Y-you could say that….”

“OOOh, how romantic!” Hazel says, putting both of her hands on her cheeks, a big goofy smile on her face. “Its just like a fairy tale! Did you arrive in a white horse? Did you save her from an evil crone? Gave her a kiss to break a curse? Didyoudidyoudidyou?” She punctuates each word with a small hop, her smile growing even bigger.

“Oh boy, calm down Hazel!”

Giggling, Rowan gets up, picking his cup. “Well, im going to pick more tea. Have fun with Uncle Ymmy, Hazel!”

“I will daddy! And later I want to play with auntie Meru!”

As hazel bombarded me with her questions, I couldn’t help but see Merula, her eyes avoiding contact with mine, her ears glowing, as red as a tomato.

WIZARDING TURBABOUT  
-END-


	3. Hogwarts Turnabout - Intro (part 1)

The young teacher was doing his usual late night rounds  
Everything seemed normal, until he detected a disturbance in his school’s security  
He rushed, panting, fearing the worst  
But as he approached the scene, he saw….  
One of his students, a young brilliant potion maker….  
Her golden hair, disheveled, her hands, trembling…  
and one of his new colleagues, lying on the ground….   
his lifeless eyes staring into nothing…  
And on the wall, written with blood….  
MORTIMER LIVES!

HOGWARTS TURNABOUT

SEPTEMBER 14, 7:30 AM  
HOGWARTS INFIRMARY

“Wake up, Mister Ymous. You’re gonna be late for your classes at this rate!”

“Uhmm mumble mumble, five more minutes…”

“You better get up now, or im breaking your other arm, mister!” And with that, Madam Pomfrey casts lumos right on my face, prompting me to wake up.

“Argh, why do you have to be so mean to me, madam?” I brush my eyes with my left hand, since my right one was currently immobile. Courtesy of a little Clumsy friend of mine (who is as much of a danger to others as she is to herself).

“Because this is the hundredth time that I had to patch up your arms, dear! That’s why! You set a literal record in how many times someone can be sent to the infirmary, I tell you that!”

“Well, you don’t need to worry, im on my fourth year already, so sooner than later you’ll be free from me.”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘Snap-man’, just go. I don’t want you losing your breakfast today.”

“Alrighty, see you later madam!”

“Dear Merlin I hope not, that boy will end up dead if he keeps this up” She says, murmuring to herself.

SEPTEMBER 14, 7:40 AM  
GREAT HALL

The smell of breakfast is almost tangible when I enter the great hall. The four house’s tables, filled to the brim with dozens of different foods, the students gorging in a early morning feast. Gotta thank those house elfs, the little ones sure can make a hearty meal.

I quickly locate my best friend, Rowan, at his usual spot on the Ravenclaw table, and start to approach him.

“Heya, my clawy friend! How ya doing!”

“Hey mate, finally looking better, huh?” Rowan puts aside his copy of the Daily Prophet, and gives me a light punch on my bandaged arm.

“Ouch! Be careful man, it still hurts!” I start picking my servings of bacon and eggs, making a pile in front of me.

“Sorry, sorry. But man, Clumsy sure did a number on you, huh?”

“Tell me about it.” I say between some hearty bites on my bacon. “I still don’t know how she managed to make one of the moving stairs fall, really.”

“Well, at least you were the only one that was hit by the debris.”

“Ha, and that sure makes my arm feel better. Anyway man, where’s Penny?” At the mention of his crush, the young Indian boy becomes as red as he (possibly) can.

“I-I don’t know man. I haven’t seen her since yesterday.”

“Don’t worry, lovebird. One day you’ll be able to confess to her.”

“I-I-I wasn’t planning to! At least no today…”

“You always become a stuttering mess when we talk about her, huh?”

“What can I do? Shes… shes a beauty man…” Rowan puts his hands on his cheeks, a dreamy look on his face.

“Urgh, I think im gonna puke.” I start to mimicking a person puking, prompting Rowan to get out of his love struck day-dream just to giggle at me.

As we chatted about random things, the great hall started to get more full. But as Rowan searched, he couldn’t see the golden haired Hufflepuff anywhere. 

“Maybe she overslept.” I say, finishing the fourth plate of bacon and eggs. Good lord those things are tasty!

“I highly doubt it.” Rowan kept scanning the great hall. “Unlike you, my dear Penny isn’t a good for nothing sleepy head like you. She’s more of a Ravenclaw than you!”

My retort was interrupted by the sound of something (or someone) tripping intensely. “GODDAMIT!” We hear a girlish scream, followed by sighs and the audible sound of a facepalm.

“Looks like Clumsy got out of bed.” I say, snickering (but feeling my broken arm slightly trob after the painful memory came back).

“Yeah, and your crush is with her.”

“Who?”

“Merula, obviously.”

And as he said, Merula entered the great hall, alongside Clumsy, Tulip and Ismelda, the sound of her scolding the young Gryffindor being almost audible in the distance.

Ever since the centaur incident (and the prefect bathroom incident, but we don’t talk about that), me and Merula, and by extension, all of my friends, were on amicable terms. She started to talk with Tulip again, and opened up with the other girls and boys. She became a quick ally in our search for the cursed vaults, and for me, a dear friend (you wouldn’t catch me dead saying that, though).

“Wait, her? Puff, as if. Even if we are friends now, I believe that she would sooner give me as a meal to Hagrid’s dog instead of giving me a chance to date her.”

“Yeah, but you still like her.” Rowan gives me his best teasing smile. Sometimes I really want to punch his face, I tell ya that.

“Right, right, and Penny is a freaking hermaphrodite.”

“Well…” Rowan starts to scratch his chin, as if the idea of Penny having, well, “both” of those things seemed somewhat interesting.

“Good lord Rowan.” I say, sighing deeply.

“Hey, im just thinking! And besides, I really love her, so even if she were a boy id feel the same.”

“Alright, you’re gay for Penny, I get it. Now shut up, im trying to eat and Tulip is getting close, shes never gonna let you forget these words if you keep blabbering like that.”

And as I said that, Tulip took her usual spot across the table, picking her usual pile of food (lots of Hugewiches ™). 

“Heya, mateys. Glad to see you’re okay, Ymous.”

“Heya, ‘lip. Glad to see you’re still eating like a glutton.”

“Im a growing girl, Ymous, I have the right to eat as much as I want.” Tulip takes her first bite, as we hear a loud scream from the Gryffindor table (“someone” dropped hot soup on a few second years, that someone being a person that I know too damn well).

“Anyway” Tulip gives a quizzical glance towards the staff table. “Don’t you guys notice anything weird?”

As she says that, I see what she meant. The staff table was empty, except for a few teaches and Hagrid, who waved at us. “Yeah, usually the teaches eat with us, do you think something happened?”

“No idea, really. Maybe they found something about the vaults?”

“If they did, and I mean, IF” Rowan adjust his glasses. “I believe a little investigation is in order.”

“Ooh, meaning we gotta summon the crew then!” Tulip says with enthusiasm.

“That won’t be necessary, Miss Karasu.” A deep, snickering voice startle us.

Snape, probably the most hated teacher in all of Hogwarts, appeared right besides us.

“H-how? I mean, hello professor? What can we do for you?” I say, nervously.

“You can start by accompanying me, Mister Ymous. You too, Khanna, Karasu. I believe that the headmaster has a few ‘matters’ to discuss with ‘the crew’.”

As he said that, Snape motions towards the door, and with a gulp, we follow him.

SEPTEMBER 14, 8:07 AM  
HEADMASTERS OFFICE

We find ourselves, me, Rowan, Tulip, Merula, Ismelda, Barnaby and (believe it or not) Clumsy, on the headmasters office. Alongside the dozens of portraits of the past headmasters, most of the staff was there too, looking at us with apprehensive eyes. 

“Whatever we did, its Merula’s fault.” Ismelda quickly says.

“HEY! If this is about those mags under Ismelda’s bed, it wasn’t me that put them on the fountain!”

“GIRLS, please!” Miss Rakepick urges the two of them to stay quiet. “We have larger things to worry about today.”

“Okay, what did we do?” Clumsy asks, sitting on her chair (that she was bounded into by Flitwick so she wouldn’t destroy the headmaster’s office).

“Well, my dears.” Dumbledore says, looking at us through his half moon glasses. “We have some, dare I say, problematic matters to discuss.”

“As I said, it wasn’t me! Its not my fault that Ismelda has some weird fetishes!”

"Hey, whats wrong with liking older guys? Its not weird!"

“Miss Snyde, Miss Murk, if you both open your mouths one more time im going to sew them shut!” As Snape said that, they quickly get quiet.

“As you all can see-” Dumbledore says, gesturing towards the staff members. “Our Defense against the Dark Arts, Mister Dandellion Lockhart isn’t with us today-” Just the mention of the professor, the older brother of the famous Gilderoy Lockhart, is enough to make most of the woman in the room to sigh deeply (besides Clumsy and Rakepick). ” And I believe that your friend, miss Haywood, wasn’t at the great hall, yes?”

“Yes, Headmaster.” We say in a chorus.

“Did…did Penny do something?” Rowan asks nervously.

“Oh, she sure did, my boy!” Rakepick smirks, a condescending look on her face. “That girl, she is a murderer!”

…….

……

……

“Wait, what?”

“What the hell are you on about?”

“Its easier to think that Clumsy would kill someone before Penny, really.”

“HEY! Take that back, pal!”

“Make me, Gumshoe.”

“I sure will, Murk!”

“Can I go now? I want to practice my boxing.” Barnaby says, looking uninterested.

“ENOUGH!” Rakepick screams, making the cacophony stop. “This is serious, children! That girl murdered someone!”

“Calm down, miss Rakepick.” McGonagall says, prompting her to calm herself with a deep, serious gaze. “That’s precisely why the headmaster wanted to talk with these children, to prove if Miss Haywood is innocent or not.”

“I don’t think theres anything to prove here, Snape even caught her red handed!”

“I don’t believe you!” Rowan raises from his chair, the color drained from his face. “Penny would never hurt a fly, she couldn’t have done it!”

“Ahem.” Dumbledore clears his throat, and all the eyes focus on him. “I believe a little bit of discussion is in order. You see, children, at first we thoroughly believe that Miss Haywood had done it, but-” He raises one finger. “We receive a ‘message’, from a certain someone. A message that is serious enough that we took it in consideration before we did anything hasty.”

“I still don’t see what this has to do with us, Headmaster.” I say, sincerely.

“Oh, but you do, my boy.” Dumbledore smiles at me, his gaze mysterious as ever. “The message was very specific about the students that had to know about this.” Dumbledore then stops, as he notices a faint, silvery light coming from the window. “And talking about the devil, I think ‘he’ sent a second one, addressed to you boys.”

And as he said that, the silvery light approached us, taking the form of a three headed snake, much for Barnaby’s and Ismelda’s amusement, and Clumsy’s despair (she hates snakes).

The left head then started to talk, in weirdly polite, almost “French like” speech: “Good day, dear students of the magical academy of Hogwarts. You may not know me, but I know of you. My name is Mortimer LeMort.”

“!”

We collectively hold our breaths in surprise. Mortimer LeMort is an old name in the wizarding community. A dangerous magical assassin, employed by dozens of magical families throughout the ages to do their dirty business, and though to be long dead ever since “You-know-who” rose to power. A few seconds later, the middle head starts to talk.

“I believe that I gave enough time for your surprised reactions. Either way, as you all are now aware, a murder took place at Hogwarts last night. And I don’t believe that Mister Dumbledore said it to you all already, but that murder was claimed by ‘me’. Im utterly revolted by that, because im now an upstanding citizen of the magical community, and to even think that someone would impersonate me, and in such a crude manner, makes me want to vomit. As such, I did a little digging, and already discovered the real assassin. But, as I discussed with your beloved headmaster, I don’t think that a murder happening in school grounds would be something well received by the ministry, so I proposed a little game for ‘our’ amusement.”

The middle head shuts itself, and the final one starts to talk: “I left enough clues around the school for it to be proven that Miss Haywood is either the culprit, or that she was framed for a crime she didn’t commit. As such, I want you, Mister Ymous-” The head gestures towards me. “-to act as the defense attorney for this case, and you-” The head now gestures towards Tulip “- miss Karasu, to act as the prosecutor. I believe that both of your parents acted in these very same fields, so it would be interesting to see their children following their steps. It is an old tradition of Hogwarts, to solve its internal problems in a court performed by the student and faculty body, even if it is a long abandoned one. So, for my amusement, I desire to see such a trial taking place, in the condition that, if I see such a thing, I won’t sully the good name of this place of learning by releasing such ‘unrequested’ information to the presses. You both have until tomorrow to prepare your cases and witnesses. For now, I bid you all adieu.”

And in a quick puff of smoke, the patronus disappears, leaving me, Tulip, and all of my friends dumbfounded.

“And it is like he said.” Dumbledore once again gives us his enigmatic smile. “I hope that we can solve this matter easily, Prosecutor Karasu, and Ace Attorney Ymous.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	4. Hogwarts Turnabout - Investigation (part 2)

SEPTEMBER 14, 9:00 AM  
SNAPE’S OFFICE

Staring at the ceiling, I still cant understand what the hell is going on.

After the intense (and legitimately weird) conversation with Dumbledore, and the visit of that patronus, I was dragged to Snape’s office, together with Rowan and Merula. Clumsy, Ismelda and Tulip, my apparent adversary in this “trial”, went with Rakepick, and Barnaby for some reason stayed with the headmaster (poor guy).

Snape had his eyes closed, breathing deeply, as if to calm himself (I was pretty much doing the same, really), Rowan was desperately reading a book about magical law (where the hell did he even get one of those?) and Merula, looked fidgety and reasonably impatient.  
After a few more moments, Snape finally broke the silence: “Well…Looks like we are stuck together in this… ‘Situation’.”

“I still don’t understand it completely, professor.” I say, sincerely.

“Its an old custom, Ymous.” Snape sighs deeply. “An old custom that was abandoned for a reason. I swear, stopping the entire student body, canceling classes, leaving the matters of the school, and ones that are so important such as, such as tease to a bunch of teenagers to solve-” 

“Well, professor. I can guarantee to you that if the headmaster left me to take care of this problem, I would solve it rather easily.” Merula gives him then a smug smile (that girl simply cant stop stroking her own ego, huh).

“Miss Snyde, don’t worry. You’ll have your own part to play on this. By the… customs of the Hogwarts trials-” 

“Both the prosecuting and defense are formed by teams of 3, with a teacher or member of the staff to supervise them.” Rowan says, without looking up from his book (which he apparently had read almost 300 pages in less than an hour, good lord Rowan).

“Yes, Mister Khanna. Just don’t interrupt me again, if you value your house points, or your grades.”

“Yes, professor.” He says, once again without looking up from his book, which prompted Merula to giggle.

“As I was saying, in this case im stuck with you three. The prosecution will be led by Rakepick-” His voice almost turns to a scornful snarl when he pronounced her name. “- With Karasu, Murk, and that Clumsy Gryffindor girl. As such, I hope that you three won’t disappoint me in this case, for yours, mine, and the sake of one of the only actually talented students at Hogwarts.

“So, you think that Penny didn’t do it, professor?” Merula asked, quizzically. 

“Of course. Even if that good for nothing Lockhart more than deserved to be killed, I cant fathom the possibility of Miss Haywood actually doing the deed.”

“Yeah, I can see that. That cunt didn’t even teach something decent for us so far, I wish that Gilderoy was our teacher instead.”   
“Didn’t know that you were a fan of Gilderoy Lockhart, Merula.” 

“Why not? He’s pretty competent at what he does, way more than his stupid brother.”

“Nah, you probably just have the hots for him or something.” I say, smugly to her.

“I don’t! What are you implying, you daft cu-” The slightly blushing Merula was quickly interrupted by Snape with a single glare.

“If you two can take your sorry excuse for flirting out.of.my.office, I’d be more than pleased.”

“W-what flirting?” Merula says, blushing even more.

“Im just teasing her, professor.”

“Either way-” Snape gets up and starts to walk around his office. “- we have more serious matters to solve now. You three will conduct a investigation now around the castle, to gather clues for the upcoming trial. Once you all gather enough information, return to me so we can discuss matters further. I suggest that you three start by talking with ‘the defendant’.”

“So, just go talk to Penny then? Where is she though?” I ask.

“Yes, mister Ymous, with miss Haywood. Shes currently detained in th-”

“ARGH!” Rowan suddenly screams, quickly closing his book with a tud, making both me and Merula to jump from our seats. “Theres nothing but junk here!”

Rowan’s angered face quickly changes when he notices the murderous glare coming from Snape. “10 points from Ravenclaw. You three, out of my office. Go talk with Haywood, she’s on the dungeons, look for mister Filch. Now out, away with you.” He then sits again on his chair, rubbing his forehead.

Not wanting to be killed by Snape, we all get out quickly from his office, and start to head towards the dungeons.

“I swear, if I lose even a single Knut from Rakepick again-” Snape says, as the door closes, and he picks a bottle of liquor from his desk, taking a sip. “ Never should’ve taken that damn bet.”

SEPTEMBER 14, 9:23 AM  
HOGWARTS DUNGEONS

“Ye tree better not loiter here, ye hear me? We got a prisoner on the dungeons for the first time in ages, I need to appreciate the moment. Oh, if only Dumbledore let me use the torture devices again…” Said Filch, slightly day dreaming on the endless possibilities of torture that he could inflict on Penny.

“Yeah yeah, we wont. Now scoot, old man, we got work to do.” Demanding as ever, Merula shoves Filch aside, not giving an ounce of respect to the old caretaker.

“Teenagers, urgh. Already had to deal with that stupid Gryffindor girl today, now gotta deal with ya. I swear, a few whip strikes and ye wouldn’t be so smug anymore.” He says, mumbling under his breath as he goes back to his office, his cat following him.

“Welp, we are finally here.” I say, looking at the small, wooden door were Penny was locked.

Rowan looked impossibly nervous. I really couldn’t tell if it was because we had so much to do in order to free her, or because he would be talking with Penny. Probably the latter.

“You two sit back and watch. I’ll question her.” As she said that, Merula knocked on the door with vigor, her smug smile becoming even bigger once the small window on the door of the cell opened, revealing Penny’s face.

Her usual smile was replaced by a face of utter despair. Her hair was disheveled, and she looked like she cried the entire day.  
“H-hey, guys…” She said, weakly.

“Penny…” Rowan said, his nervousness being replaced by genuine concern.

“Hey, Haywood. How ya doing? Fine, I suppose?” Merula’s sarcastic remark only made tears form on Penny’s eyes.

She looked like she would fall apart at any moment.

“Penny, Penny, calm down.” I quickly say. “Merula, I think its better if I question her.”

“No way, I already said that I would do the questioning!”

“I’d sooner leave a thestral to question a person than you, you wench.” Said Rowan, his glare of anger almost rivaling Snape’s. 

(Note to self: don’t tease Penny when Rowan’s around). 

“Okay, fine. Do it your way, you killjoy.” She then stays out of the way, puffing her cheeks in anger. 

(If she wasn’t such an ass most of the time, especially at the worst times, I would think that she looked cute now, but whatever).

“Okay, okay. Penny, sorry to uh… barge in like this. But well, we need your help.”

“My help?”

“Yep. You see, we got in a bit of a situation…”

“Dumbledore requested us to defend you in a trial, here in the school.” Said Rowan, with confidence (but he couldn’t look into Penny’s eyes for the life of his). “We just need to ask a few questions, and we will surely clean your name for you!”

“But, wait, why?” Penny’s hopelessness was removed, being replaced by a quizzical look on her eyes. “Why’s Dumbledore doing this?”

“Iiiiits a bit of a long story.”

We then explain to her what happened, about Mortimer’s request and why we had to do all of this.

“So, a dark wizard, long thought dead, wants us to make a class trial in order to clean my name and solve a misunderstanding?”

“Yep.”

“Pretty much this, lov- I mean, Penny.”

“Believe it or not, Haywood, it’s the truth.”

“Wow.” Penny then takes a step back, just to order her thoughts. “If I wasn’t locked here because of this, I’d think y’all were crazy.”

“Yeah, kinda hard to believe it, really. Anyway, we need to ask a few questions for you now.”

“Sorry about this Penny, but we need the info.” Said Rowan.

“You better talk, Haywood. Your freedom depends on it.”

“I get it, Merula.” Penny gives a slight anger filled glare to Merula, her mood seemingly more normal after talking with us. “W-well, I don’t remember much about last night, really.”

“Great, now that’s gonna help us!” Said Merula again.

“I said I don’t remember much, but I do remember some things.” Said Penny, with a weak smile.

“Do tell then.” I said, with anticipation.

“Last night…. Professor Lockhart”- Saying his name made Penny wince like she was in pain (guess she didn’t like him as much as the other girls, huh) –“ Summoned me to his office. Before I could open his door, I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head. The last thing that I saw before getting unconscious was… a pair of black shoes, stained with blood.”

“So, someone knocked you out cold?”

“Yep, pretty much. No idea who did it, though.”

“Probably someone that deserves a beating.” Hearing that Penny was assaulted made Rowan even more jumpy.

“Hey, mister white knight, calm down a little.” Said Merula, rolling her eyes in disdain.

“Anyway. After that, I woke up and... and I saw professor Lockhart, dead in front of me. A few seconds later, professor Snape appeared, took me to the headmaster’s office and then they put me here. I’ve been here since then.”

“You didn’t kill him, then?” Asked Merula.

“Of course not! I wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a man! Even if the man was a despicable, horrible pig like him…” She said mumbling in anger.

“So, that’s all?” 

“All that I remember, yes.”

“Welp, I don’t think you’re lying, Penny.” I say, reassuringly. “So im confident that we’ll get you out of this mess.”

“Ha, im sure of it.” Penny gives me a weak smile, a few tears forming on her eyes.

“Hey, Penny.”

“Yes, Rowan?”

“I-I, I mean, we”- He says, gesturing towards me and Merula. “We are on your side, okay? You can count on me-US! You can count on us. We will free you!” He says confidently, but with his legs shaking as he looks into Penny’s eyes.

She gives a giggle, a bit of color coming back to her face.

“I’ll be counting on you then, Rowan.” She gives him a smile that could melt ice.

“Oh, um, yes, uh, you too…” 

As Penny giggles again, I pick Rowan by his collar, and drag him towards the exit, with Merula shaking her head in disgust following us.

SEPTERMBER 14, 9:45  
FIRST FLOOR HALL

As we left the dungeons, we decided to stop to ponder where we would go next.

“I think its better if we go to the scene of the crime.” I said, picking a notebook and writing a few things we got from Penny.

“Yeah, its pretty much the next logical step on a investigation, Ymous.” Merula said, sitting alongside me to spy on my writings.

“Haha, don’t see you giving any suggestions, Snyde.”

“Well, I would suggest that we go to the professors office, actually.”

“Hey, that’s actually a good idea! Thanks, Merula.” I then take a few more notes, detailing our next steps.

“Oh, uh, yeah! Im the best, after all, and you should compliment me more!”

“Yeah yeah. Anyway, what do you think, Rowan? We visit the scene of the crime, or the professors office first?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Earth to Rowan?”

“Hey, Khanna, wake up!” Merula gives him a slight push, which makes Rowan almost fall face first on the ground.

“Oh, woah! What, what is it?”

“Thinking about Penny again, eh lovebird?” I say, smirking.

“Gosh, you really are in love, aren’t you?” Merula says, smugly.

“I-im not! Im just eh… thinking…abut stuff!”

“Yeah, stuff about Penny.” Merula then makes a kissy face, just to taunt Rowan once again.

“Alright, now that you woke up, what do you think: Professor’s office or the crime scene first?”

Before he could answer, I noticed an unusual sight coming towards us.

“What the hell are they wearing?” Said Merula.

The three girls started to approach us. Clumsy was wearing shades, for some weird reason, alongside an oversized coat and a red tie, smiling proudly (I’d be too if I was her, it’s a miracle that she didn’t trip on that thing yet). Ismelda was wearing a long, puffy scarf instead of her usual green one. 

But Tulip, dear lord. She was wearing a long, elaborated and quite flamboyant crimson coat, with a cravat on top of that, and looked as smugly as humanly possible.

“Hey hey hey, look whos here.” Said Tulip, giving an exaggerated bow.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Said Merula, looking slightly disgusted.

“We got some new clothes from Rakepick! She said that the prosecutor team needs to look as dashing as possible for the work.” Said Clumsy, as she adjusted her tie.

“But why are you wearing shades if you’re indoors?”

“Oh dear Ymous, my pal, a shadeless person like you wouldn’t understand.” 

“The prosecution needs to look decent and classy, unlike you, meager defense team members.” I’ve never seen Ismelda being so pompous, and I cant say that I like it.

“Anyway, you guys. We’d love to chat, but”- Tulip hugged both Ismelda and Clumsy, as if to rush them both- “ We got work to do. See you guys in court!” 

She then drags them both towards the dungeons, looking to talk with Penny apparently.

But before they could disappear on the stairs, Clumsy came running towards us.

“Oh, wait, before I forge”- And as I predicted before, she tripped on her coat and tripped flat on the ground, as usual. “GODDAMMIT!”  
I pick her glasses and offer a hand to help her stand up.

“Are you fine, Clumsy?”

“Yes, I am! But please, give me shades. I cant be seen without my shades!”

“Why? These aren’t glasses or anything.”

“Bet she has something on her eyes she doesn’t want to show us.” Said Merula.

“No, its just because I cant fall down on your level of shadelessness! So please, give them back!” Covering her face, she extends her arm, asking for her shades back.

Sighing, I give them back to her, and help her get up.

“Aaaah, all better.” Said Clumsy, satisfied with her appearance again (and ignoring the big bump on her forehead).

“Well, what do you need to tell us, Clumsy?” Asked Rowan.

“Oh, yeah! Rakepick actually wanted us to give this to you guys.” She then gives me a small parchment, which apparently had a few pieces of paper inside.

“What is this?” I say, as I open it.

“Oh, it’s the”-

“Autopsy report.” Said Merula, taking the papers from me. “Never thought they would do something like this in Hogwarts.”

“Oh, wow. How did you recognize this so quickly, Merula?”

“O-oh, just a hunch.” She says, waving and blushing slightly. “Anyway, this is actually pretty important, so we better hold on this for now.”

“Yeah. Thanks for this, Clumsy!”

“You’re welcome, pal. Anyway”- She then adjust her shades. “I gotta catch up with Tulip and Ismelda again. See you guys on the trial!” She says, as she waves to us while running towards the stairs.

“3…” Said Rowan.

“2…” Said Merula.

“1…” And finally, me.

“GODDAMMIT, ARGH, WHY, UNF!” We hear as Clumsy falls down on the flight of stairs, each word punctuating a new, painful hit on the floor.

“It’s a miracle that she isn’t dead already.”

“Or that she didn’t kill anyone yet.” Merula says, looking at my broken arm.

“Tell me about it.”

SEPTEMBER 14, 10:25 AM  
HOGWARTS, FIFTH FLOOR

“Huh. If I didn’t know that a murder took place in here, I wouldn’t suspect a thing.” I say, as I approach the scene.

Apparently Filch diligently scrubbed the walls clean, since the culprit wrote on them with blood. The body was also nowhere to be seen, being removed for the autopsy.

“Wait, what? No outline for the corpse, no signs of struggle, nothing? What kind of bloody crime scene is this?” Said Merula, looking surprisingly revolted.

“Ow, wow. Never thought that you would know about crime scenes, Merula.” Said Rowan, raising an eyebrow.

“Ah, uh, I don’t! Its uuuh, its usually common to find these things in one, you know? That’s why I questioned that.” Merula blushed slightly once again.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah really. Now shut up, Khanna, we got work to do.”

“As we look around, we don’t notice any clear sign that a murder took place in here. Even after we take our wands and start to use all kinds of detection spells, we don’t find anything noteworthy.

“Hey, Merula, what was the cause of death again?” I ask, gesturing towards the report on her hands.

“Huh, death by poisoning. Acromantula poison actually. Weird, huh?”

“Indeed. Why would the culprit kill the victim with poison, especially one as rare as Acromantula poison, but take all the trouble of doing it in here?”

“Maybe they dragged the body?”

“Well, that’s a possibility, Rowan. And the professors office isn’t far from here, actually.”

Merula then flicks her wand once again, enunciating a few more charms in the process. She then stops, furrowing her brows, trying to detect something.

“Ugh, no luck. I thought maybe that someone used a charm or something to get the body in here, but…”

“Well, they probably used it. But to prove this theory, we need one thing”- Rowan then raised one of his fingers “- We need to find the real crime scene.”

“Yeah, you’re right. If the body was dragged towards this place, then Lockhart was killed somewhere else! Good thinking, Rowan!”

“Ha, looks like Khanna can use his brain sometimes.”

“Well, Merula, im a Ravenclaw for a reason. Anyway, I think that the best place to look now would be the professors office, right?”

“Probably.”

“Yep.” 

“So, lets ask for the key and go in there.”

SEPTEMBER 14, 11:10 AM  
DEFENCE AGAISNT THE DARK ARTS OFFICE

After a slight detour to get the key from Mister Filch (“Ye youngster better not do anything bad in there, ye hear me! Or this the dungeons for y’all!”) We finally enter the professor’s office.

Considering how self absorbed and narcissistic the professor was, his office was quite normal. A few tomes rang on the walls, and his desk was clean and organized. Nothing looked out of the ordinary.

“Huh, I was really expecting, like, a million portraits of him all around here, or something like that.”

“No one is that self centered, Merula.” I say, as I start to look around the room.

“Yeah, and besides, even if he was somewhat of an ass I don’t think we should judge him so mu-OH DEAR MERLIN!”

With Rowan’s shout, we quickly move towards him, as he points towards the non open closet on the office. In there, floating, was… The DADA professor himself, Dandellion Lockhart, his black hair still tied in a pony tail, his aquiline nose still in front of his face, between his greenish (now gray, like the rest of his body) eyes.

“Oh, hey kids. Good to see you guys. And ooh, miss Snyde”- The ghost then floats towards her, a flirty smirk on his transparent face.  
“Hey, professor, thought you were dead.” She says, trying to scoff away the pestering ghost.

“But I am, dear! Ha, this body isn’t so bad actually. A shame I cant feel much anymore.” He says, looking towards his bottom half.

“Ugh, great, now we have to deal with him again.” Merula says, pinching the bridge of her nose in contempt.

“Merula, don’t you see! This is actually great! With the professors help, we can find the true culprit!” I say, with enthusiasm.

“Oh, that’s right! Great, for the first time this womanizer will be helpful for something!”

“Hey, im still here, you know.”

“Yeah, we know” After regaining his composure, Rowan approaches the ghost. “But we got some questions, professor. Going to the point, who killed you?”

“I dunno.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Yeah, Ymous, really helpful.”

“Shut it, Merula.”

“Don’t you remember anything? Like, literally anything?” Rowan quickly cuts us off and goes back to questioning him.

“Uhnnn, Ah! Actually, I do remember something.”

“Great, can you tell us?”

“Sure, sure, my young man. The last thing that I remember was, uhnnn….I was eating a box of chocolates, I got one from my many fans, you know.” He says, smirking. “And then, last thing I remember, puff, im dead! Weird, isn’t?”

“So, he was poisoned with the chocolate then?” Asked Merula.

“Seems so. Professor.” I turn my attention towards him. “Do you have the chocolate yet?”

“Oh, I do, my boy. Its on the drawer, right there.” He says, pointing towards his desk.

I then open the drawer, and lo and behold, a box of ‘Miss puffies all milk chocolate’ was in there, half eaten.

“Well, we got the weapon of the crime.” Says Rowan.

“Pretty much, buddy. The problem is, who sent this for him?”

“Oh, this? I got this from a student.”

“!”

“Really?! Who?!” Merula says, her eyes darting towards him.

“Uh, I don’t remember…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Good Merlin, you’re more useless than I thought.”

“He sure is, Merula.”

“Wow, harsh. But I can offer a little bit of help, at least. These ones”- He says, pointing towards the chocolate in Rowan’s hands. “Is a type of chocolate that can only found in Honeydukes. So, if you guys question the owner, im sure you’ll find the answer.”

“Okay, you’re a little bit less useless than I thought.” Said Merula.

“Oh, thank you dear.” He says, looking smug.

“Anyway, thanks for the help, professor. We better get going to Honeydukes now.” I say, gesturing towards Hogsmeade through the window.

As we approach the door, we hear a long, delayed moan, and we all freeze on our tracks, including the professor.

“Oh, great, she found me!” He says, as he dives towards the floor, hiding himself.

“Professooooor, where are yoooou?” The moaning voice gets closer, when finally an old acquaintance of ours appears.

“Oh, hey Myrtle.”

“Oh, its you guys.” 

The Moaning Myrtle, the resident ghost of the second floor bathroom, appears in front of us, looking disheveled as usual.

“Anyway, have you guys seen the profesooooor?” She delays the word, holding her hands together and swinging back and forth, as if she was looking for her boyfriend.

“Uuuuuuh.” I say, as I notice the professors head poking from the floor, his eyes looking desperate.

“He’s downstairs, probably. Went through the floor here not long ago.” Merula says, poiting towards the ground.

“OOoooh, thank you! I have a few, ‘unfinished’ business with him.” She then licks her mouth, and dives towards the floor.

A few seconds later we hear the desperate screams of the professor from downstairs.

“Yikes. That’s a fate worst than death.”

“He deserves it.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Downwards to Hogsmeade now, then.”

SEPTEMBER 14, 12:30 PM  
ROAD TOWARDS HOGSMEADE

As we pass the first gate, we are greeted by two of our friends.

“Hey, Liz, Andre! How are you guys doing?”

“Fine, I suppose.” Says the Slytherin girl. Her right hand had a few bandages and the both of them looked like they were assaulted by a really angry fireplace.

“What happened to you guys?” Asked Rowan.

“We were helping Kettleburn. Since we got a free day today we wanted a few extra points with him and urgh.” Andre looked like he was ready to fall down on the floor and die.

“Fire crabs happened.” Said Liz, looking equally tired.

“Great, last week was those big ass spiders, now fire crabs? That guy will kill himself like this.” Said Merula.

(Spiders, huh….).

“Welp, we better get going. We are heading towards Hogsmeade, you guys wanna come too?” I ask towards the two, poor students.

“Nah, I’ll pass. Way too tired for this now.”

“Agreed, I just want to read a bit and then just sleep…” She says, as she clutches her book, a copy of ‘Break with a Banshee’.

“Well, see you guys later then.” We say our goodbyes and go back to our destination.

SEPTEMBER 14, 13:00 PM   
HONEYDUKES

The free school day of course meant that the sweet shop was full of people, as usual. After suffering through the crowd, we finally got to the front corner, and managed to talk with the owner.

“What will it be today, dears?”

“Oh, actually, I just have a few questions today, sir. Cant say the same for them though.” I say, as I look towards Merula, holding a small pile of chocolate frogs, and Rowan, with a few sugar quills and cauldron cakes on his own.

“What? I just like chocolate, is there anything wrong with it?”

“And these are for Penny, not for me!”

“Alright, alright. Anyway, Mister. Do you remember if you sold a box of Miss puffies all milk chocolate these past few days?”

“Oh, that. Yes, I remember, its quite the expensive chocolate, so its not bought very often. What of it, young man?”

“Do you remember who bought it?” I say, nervous, feeling the truth approaching.

“Oh, I do, but… I don’t think I can disclose this information, you know?”

“Oh really?” Said Rowan. He then puts his sweets on the counter, and pulls a small pouch from his pocket. He then puts his hand on it, then his forearm, stopping only when he reaches his shoulder. He then proceeds to pick a massive amount of galleons, and puts then on the corner alongside his sweets.

“So, is this enough to buy this information? And the sweets, please?” Rowan says, smugly. Looks like being the son of a tree farmer pays well, huh?

The owner gulps, looking towards the pile of gold, and even Merula looked towards it with jealously.

“W-well, when you put it in that way… Guess I can say it to you guys.”

(Nothing that money cant buy).

He then picks a record book, which apparently registers all the buyers that bought something on the shop, and quickly looks, with the help of his wand, for the most recent purchase of Miss puffies all milk chocolate.

“Well, the last buyer was…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“!”

To be continued….


	5. Hogwarts Turnabout - The Trial (Part 3)

SEPTEMBER 15, 9:30 AM  
DEFENDANT LOBBY (actually just the library)

“...”

“…”

“…”

“I can’t believe Liz did it…” Rowan said, holding his head in disbelief.

“But she did it! And with that we can prove that Penny is innocent!” Said Merula.

“Yeah but…” 

“But what, Ymous?! You know better than anyone that she did it!”

“I know! I know… We got clues and all that, and it seems that all pieces are left together but…”

“But WHAT?”

“But I just feel a hunch! A hunch that there’s more here than what meets the eye, really.” I hold my chin quizzically, moving around the room.

“What do you mean by that, everything just falls together perfectly!”

“EXACTLY! That’s the point, Merula! There’s no way, no way at all, that this case could be solved so easily.” I prance around even faster now.

“Like, did Liz ever hold a grudge against the professor? Why did she kill him? There’s no motive, no reason for why she did it! And besides…” I stop in front of her, a determinate look on my eyes. “I don’t think that a normal, 14 year old girl, would be able to extract poison from a freaking acromantula!”

“He does have a point.” Said Rowan.

“But, if she didn’t do it, who did it?”

“That’s what I would like to know…” I just drop down into a seat, banging my head into the table. Back to square one again, it seems.

“Hey, we just need to prove that Penny didn’t do it, man.” Rowan pat me on the shoulder, trying to console me (or himself).

“Well, we don’t have much time; the trial’s in half an hour.” Merula looked nervously towards the large watch on the wall. “I don’t think we can find any new leads now.”

“It will all come down to the trail…”

“Yeah…We gotta find the real culprit AND prove Penny’s innocent. This will be hard, I’m sure of it.”

Merula got out of her seat, and then approached me. After she gave me a punch on my forehead (with a lot less force than usual) she stared at me deeply.

“Hey, dunderhead. I hate to admit it, but you are more than capable of cracking this case. You’re smart, Ymous. Really smart. And I trust you, so I’m sure we’ll win this case!”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Never thought I would hear Merula trying to be encouraging.”

“Looks like she’s finally falling for you, bro.”

Before Merula could choke Rowan to death, a clearly annoyed Snape entered the library. Without saying a word, we knew that he wanted us to accompany him. Looks like the trial will finally start.

SEPTEMBER 15, 10:00 AM  
THE COURTROOM 

The courtroom was repurposed for the day into what seemed to be a court room. Pretty much all of the students currently attending Hogwarts were there, most of them looking rather unnerved to the unusual scenery, thanks to the fact that “the trial” wasn’t common knowledge until today.

I took my place on what seemed to be the defense corner, alongside Rowan, who looked as he was about to explode, and Merula, who tried to seem calm, but failing horribly.

Tulip looked as confident as ever. Still wearing her bouffant clothes, she kept on flashing smirks at me, as if she was saying that she had already won. Didn’t she realize that Penny’s entire life was in line here?

Ismelda looked uninterested, and Clumsy was doing her best to seem important. Seriously, if I wasn’t so worried I would think that I had stepped on a crazy circus or something.

Dumbledore rose from his seat. Apparently, he would serve as the judge for the trial, as it was written in the proudly polished plaque that sat on his elevated table.

“Ahem.” Clearing his throat, the buzzing sound of the courtroom silenced. “As you are all aware by now, today we will be revitalizing an old tradition of our century old school. The apparent misdeeds of one of our students shall be corrected and proven by our own students, in this very trial!”

Most of the students started to talk again, but they quickly ceased once Dumbledore cleared his throat again. 

“But of course.” He said. “As this is a court of law, a few special ‘rules’ are in place.” He gives the students a toothy grin.   
(Oh boy, here comes trouble)

“Within school grounds, my students, it will be permitted to talk about the trial, at least for a while. HOWEVER!” (And as always, he screams that damn word, if I wasn’t expecting it I would have surely jump from my seat again). “If any of you, and I mean, any of you! mention this trial for any outsider unless expressly allowed to know about the inner workings of this courtroom shall be severely punished.”

“A-and what punishment is it?” Asked a sweating and clearly scared Hufflepuff student.

“Oh, nothing too bad. Just a memory wipe for any party involved, and a few weeks of containment in Azkaban.” Displaying his toothy grin again, most of the students went pale right at this instant.

“He isn’t being serious, is he?” Asked Rowan.

“Knowing the headmaster, id sooner believe that a flying warthog shat rainbow dung all over the school before taking anything he says for granted.” Said Merula.

“I wouldn’t bet on that, Miss Snyde.” Snape suddenly appears behind us, his aura menacing as ever.

“!”

“P-professor?!”

“Shush, you three. As per tradition I’ve come to offer my assistance, so you three won’t make a fool of yourselves. Now, pay attention. The trial is about to start.”

“But alas! The time has come. The court shall now be in session, for the trial of Miss Penny Haywood!” Dumbledore used his gavel (with a little more enthusiasm than necessary).

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Mister Ymous.”

“W-what, what is it professor?”

“You need to do your opening statement now.” 

“Uuh, what do I say?”

“For the love of- The defense is ready, your honor!” Snape says, an expression on his face that said ‘just follow my lead or else I’ll choke you to death, boy’.

“The prosecution is more than ready, your honor.” Tulip said, even more smugly, Rakepick besides her equally smiling. Looks like they are enjoying themselves, huh.

I looked deeply into Tulip’s eyes. For some reason, it just felt right to be facing here like this. It was a weird feeling.  
“Good. Then, Miss Karasu, you may start now.”

Tulip slouches over her stand, her wand on her hand. 

“Accio coffee!” She says, and a cup of coffee comes sliding towards her. She takes a sip, and takes a moment to appreciate herself, for some reason.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Miss Karasu?” 

“Just a moment, headmaster. I need to think about a coffee related statement. Gotta make a good entrance, you know?”

“You…what?” Rakepick just looks at her, dumbfounded.

(Cant say that I looked much different)

“You may refer to me as Judge in trial, Miss Karasu. Now stop lollygagging and gives us your statement!”

“Alright, alright! Just wanted to liven things up a little…” Ismelda then whispers something on her ear. “Hey, that’s good Ismy!” She high fives her, and then cleans her throat.

“Darker than a moonless night…hotter and more bitter than hell itself…”

“What the hell is she rambling about?” Asked Merula.

“I dunno, combining Ismelda’s weirdness with Tulip maybe isn’t a good idea.” Said Rowan.

“Or maybe there’s some kind of drug on that coffee.”

“That’s, uhh, that’s coffee! And, yes, darker than coffee itself, is the horrendous crime that Penny committed in this very school!”  
Tulip blushed furiously, while both Clumsy and Ismelda give her a thumbs up. Can’t say that Rakepick is appreciating her little act, though.

“Oho! That’s a bold, if weird, statement. But I commend you for your originality.” Says “The Judge”. “Either way, you may call your first witness, Miss Karasu.”

“V-very well... Huh, Clumsy? A little help?”

“Here, its in the notes, pal.” She hands her a piece of parchment.

“Oh, yeah, right!” She says, happy with herself for some reason.

“This is going to be a looooong day…” Merula rolls her eyes.

“Very well!” Tulip puts the parchment away, putting both of her hands on her stand. “The prosecution calls the first witness: Severus Snape!”

Nonchalantly, Snape goes towards the witness stand, wearing his most neutral (but still scornful) expression.

“State your name and occupation, witness!” 

“Severus Snape. Potioneer, Professor at the Hogwarts School Witchcraft and Wizardry, as well as Head of the House Slytherin. As you are well aware, Miss Karasu.” Snape gives Tulip his best “Mind your manners or you’ll regret it” gaze.

“V-very well, uh… Rakepick, what do I do now?”

“Oh, for the love of… Witness, state what happened in the night of the murder!”

“Very well.” Making a slight pause, Snape closes his eyes, pretending to concentrate. “At precisely 2:45 AM, 14 of September, I, Severus Snape, found the body of Dandellion Lockhart in the corridor of the second floor. Besides him was Miss Penny Haywood, the suspect of the crime.”

“Don’t you mean the actual evildoer, Mister Severus?” Tulip said, challenging.

“That, Miss Karasu, will be disclosed in this trial.”

“Yeah, it will! And I’ll prove it!”

(She really doesn’t realize that her friend’s on the line here)

“Well, Mister Snape, could you give us a more detailed recounting of the murder?” Asked the Judge.

“Very well.”

-WITNESS TESTIMONY-  
-THE MURDER-

“As per usual, I was doing my usual rounds during night time.”  
“But, as I said, at 2:20 AM, something disturbed the Hogwarts defense systems.”  
“I dashed towards the source of disturbance;”   
“but it took me a little while since I was doing rounds in the dungeons at that time.”  
“When I arrived at the scene of the crime, I found Miss Haywood and the deceased.”  
“I was also surprised that I was the first to arrive at the scene.”  
“That’s what happened.”

“And with that, the case’s closed.” Tulip does an exaggerated bow.

“I’m afraid not, Miss Karasu. This is just the first testimony; it would be quite the boring case if it ended this quickly!” The judge says, looking awfully happy for some reason.

“Well, if you say so, it seems crystal clear that Penny did it already.” She then waves her wand again and another cup of coffee comes sliding towards her.

“Either way, Mister Ymous, its time for the cross examination.”

“The what now?”

“I’m as puzzled as you, mate.” Said Merula.

Rowan then picks up a book from his usual pile, fiddling with it until he find what he was looking for.

“Here, cross examination.” He points towards a passage of the book.

“Huh, ‘the act of finding lies and contradictions in a testimony, to prove the truth in a case.’” Merula reads it out loud, snatching the book from Rowan’s hand. “So, you just have to question the witness about what they said, poking into it until a lie or something pops up. Interesting, seems easy enough!” 

“Oh boy, logic thinking then. If I somehow miss something, you two will tell me, right?”

“Sure, buddy. We are a team, after all.” Rowan says reassuringly.

“Hey, I don’t want to lose here, so I’ll help.” Merula says, which, for her, is reassuringly as it can get.

“Mister Ymous, can you start the cross examination?” The judge says, in a tone of anxiousness (like a giddy high school girl).

“O-of course your honor!”

(Here goes nothing!)

CROSS EXAMINATION

I look deeply into Tulip’s eyes, which looks at me nonchalantly, sipping her coffee

“Ahem…” Boy, for some reason I’m nervous. “Mister Snape, r-right?”

“Yes, Mister Ymous. As you should be well aware, since I’ve been your teacher for the past four years, for my displeasure.”

“R-right! Right…” (no need to pull the needle so deeply, dammit). “Anyway. You said you found Penny at 2:45 AM, besides the corpse, right?”

“Precisely, Mister Ymous. You just said exactly what I said a minute ago.”

“Y-yeah!” (Good lord, stop throwing punches at me! And Merula, stop giggling!) “Well, are you sure it was Penny?”

“Of course I’m sure, Mister Ymous. We wouldn’t be in this situation if I wasn’t, right?” Snape smirks. For the first time, he seemed to be visibly enjoy to be bugged by a student so much.

“Hey, man, if you need any help with questioning, I can take your place.”

“Yeah, you are clearly more incompetent than I thought.” Merula says, but looks slightly worried. 

“Hey pal, you suck!” An ever so encouraging Clumsy screams from the prosecutor’s stand.

(Ugh, gotta clear my head…)

“Right, right… You said you realized something was wrong at 2:20 AM, right?”

“Yes, Mister Obvious questions, I did.”

“Well… You detected the crime though the schools defense system, am I correct?”

“And another obvious question! I sure did, Mister Ymous.”

“Ha, I already won this case, this is waaaay too easy.” Tulip said confidently.

(I swear I’ll choke her after this.)

“Very well, does this system actually tells you who activated it?”

“!”

Snape gives me an uncharacteristic smile, which was probably the most terrifying thing I’ve ever saw in my life.

“No, Mister Ymous. And that was your first proper question today, congratulations.”

“Ha ha…yeah…” (underhanded praise, yay). “Well, if it doesn’t…And you took at least 25 minutes to get to the scene of the crime…then you can’t say for sure that Penny did it! Someone could have framed her!” I say, confidently for once.

“NO WAY JOSE!” Tulip says, pointing her right hand, finger stretched towards me.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Miss.Tulip.Karasu.” Rakepick says, a vein looking like it was about to burst in her forehead. “I remember that I instructed you to say ‘Objection’ if you had to say, object a statement made in the trial, didn’t I?”

“Oh, yeah, you did.”

“Then, why did you just screamed, well, THAT, just now, instead of OBJECTION LIKE I TOLD YOU TO?”

“Alright, alright! Sheesh, I’ll do it your way.” She clears her throat, clearly annoyed after being interrupted. “OBJECTION!”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Eh, where’s the follow up, Tulip?” Merula asked.

“Ah, yeah. That doesn’t prove anything, Ymous!”

“OBJECTION! But that also doesn’t prove that she did it!”

“Oh, wow, you actually managed to follow up on her. Color me impressed.” Said Merula, again.

“Thanks for the great input, Meru Meru.”

“Don’t call me that, you bloody-!”

“Ahem.” Snape clears his throat. For some reason, it looked like he was actually enjoying the mayhem that was forming. Hard to think about Snape enjoying something, but hey. “As Mister Ymous said, it is well within the realm of possibility that Miss Haywood wasn’t the perpetrator of the crime. And as it was already proven, my testimony little does to give light of this fact. I believe that another witness needs to talk now, right, Headmaster?”

“Its judge, professor. And yes, the prosecution may call the next witness!”

“Hunf, you’re just delaying the inevitable, Ymous!” 

“Say whatever you want, Tulip, but I’m winning this case!”

“Eh, what about helping Penny and all that?”

“Winning is more important, Rowan!” Merula was looking way more eager to win than ever. Can’t say that I didn’t felt the same way.

“Well… The prosecution calls for the next testimony: the murderer herself, Penny Haywood!”

“Very well, Bailiff!” The judge punches

A nervous looking Penny arrived, escorted by a jolly looking Barnaby (so he ended up becoming the bailiff for this freak show, huh).

“Witness!”

“Uh, hi.” Penny said, clearly nervous.

“State your name and occupation!”

“Uuuh, name’s Penny Haywood, and I’m a student here just like you.”

“Very well, now start talking!” 

“Tulip’s getting kinda hyper, huh?” Said Merula.

“It’s probably the coffee taking over.” I look at Tulip, who was apparently chugging down her fifth cup of coffee already. 

“Witness, start talking!” Tulip then slams her cup of coffee on her stand, almost drenching Ismelda in the process.

“Miss Karasu, a little bit of decor would be appreciated.” The judge looks at her disapprovingly.

“A-alright, sorry… Anyway, open up witness!”

“Eh…Ok then.”

-WITNESS TESTIMONY-  
-I DIDN’T DO IT!-

“On that night…Well…”  
“Professor Dandellion asked me earlier that day to “Help Him” later.”  
“I really didn’t like the idea,   
but I just told myself if something bad happened I could solve it easily.”  
“And well, when I arrived there…”  
“As I tried to open the door…”  
“I felt I sharp pain on the back of my head…”  
“I was knocked out by someone…”  
“The last thing I saw was a pair of bloody shoes…”  
“When I woke up I was staring at the professors dead corpse…”  
“So… I didn’t do it!”

“An interesting turn of events! The defendant claims that she was attacked then. Mister Ymous, you may start the cross examination now.”

“Very well, judge!”

(I think I’m getting the hang of this...)

-CROSS EXAMINATION-

“Ahem…Well, Miss Haywood. I’ll keep it simple: Did you do it?”

“Of course I didn’t! Also, why are you being so formal?”

“But, did you really not do it?”

“I already said I didn’t! Stop it, Anon!”

“Mister Ymous, stop fooling around and get to the point!”

“S-sure, sorry judge… Anyway! As my client stated, she was clearly framed! Someone took advantage of her meeting with the professor to frame her for the crime!”

“OBJECTION! Anon, Anon…naïve Anon…” Shaking her head, Tulip looks at me with a mocking gaze.

“W-what do you want, Tulip?”

“Didn’t it occur to you that, may I dare say, that Penny could be lying?”

“OBJECTION!” This time, Rowan yells, desperately pointing his finger towards Tulip.

“W-whoa there, bucko!”

“I refuse to hear this! Penny couldn’t be lying!” He says, sporting a fierce expression. As always when it comes to Penny he gets like   
this.

“And how come you’re so sure of that?” Tulip said.

“Because!” He then picks a piece of parchment he was apparently doodling on since the start of the trial. “I have proof, of course!”

“Looks like he’s doing your job now, Ymous.”

“Well, it’s about Penny, so can’t be helped.”

“Look at this!” He points towards the parchment. In it was a expertly doodled map of Hogwarts, showcasing a few floors in detail. 

“As you can see here, the scene of the crime happened on the second floor. The professors office is located on the fifth floor!”

“And what are you saying is…?”

“That it isn’t possible for Penny to carry a corpse from the fifth floor to the second floor in so little time!”

“Ha, did you forget that we are in a MAGICAL school? And that making things fly is as easy as a flick of our wands?”

“E-either way!” Rowan looks visibly flustered, maybe I should take his place now… 

“I have one more piece of evidence to show: How the victim died!”

(Oh boy)

“According to the autopsy report, the victim died from being poisoned! And as Penny stated, she didn’t even see the victim, let alone poison him! And if she wanted to kill him directly, there are better ways to do it!”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“He does have a point…” Said Ismelda.

“Ismy!”

“What?”

“No need to point that out!”

“But, Mister Khanna…If that’s true, then who did it? Who poisoned the professor?”

“…” 

I look towards Merula and Rowan. They both nod towards me. Sorry Liz…but looks like we’ll need to frame you for a bit.

“Well!” I say, raising my voice after Rowan’s outburst. “We actually found someone that could, and I mean, COULD have done it. If we may,   
the defense would like to call for another testimony.”

“And you may do so, Mister Ymous.”

“Great. Well guys, let’s do this.”

“I still don’t know why you’re so reluctant, Ymous. We got definitive proof on her!” Merula whispers on my ear, nervously.

“I know! I know…I just have hunch, that’s all.”

“Come on, Ymous! Show us this testimony then, I’m really curious on how this will turn out. After all, we all know that Penny’s the culprit!” Tulip chugged on her coffee again (she’ll probably collapse from too much caffeine soon, at least).

“She isn’t! She bloody isn’t!” Rowan screams again. “Penny’s a beautiful, kind girl, unlike you, you freaking wench!” 

“Whoa, whoa, getting kinda emotional again, lovebird.” Merula says.

“Eeeh…” Penny’s cheeks get redder after Rowan’s words.

“Either way! The defense would like to call… Miss Liz Tuttle!”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“What?” Tulip said. “Lizard, really?”

“Are you truly implying that Miss Tuttle is the culprit, Mister Ymous?” Said Snape.

(I still have this hunch, but…this is all we have now)

“Yes! That’s why we need her testimony.”

“Throwing accusations around isn’t a good thing, Mister Ymous. But I’ll allow it!” The judge says cheerfully.

A few moments later Liz was in front of us, looking visibly scared.

“Why am I here?! W-what did I do?!”

“Nah, nothing much, you’re being accused of murder and framing another person. You know, standard school stuff. And all thanks to that guy over there.” 

“B-b-b-b-but I didn’t do anything!!!”

“C-calm down, Liz. We just have some questions for you, that’s all.” (god dammit Tulip, why do you make everything so hard!)

In response, Tulip just keeps sipping her coffee, smiling to herself. “Well, Ymous. She’s here, and she’s saying she didn’t do it. I’m really interested to see your little theory falling flat in your face.”

“Shut it, Tulip. I’ll show you the truth!”

“And they are already forgetting why they are here, huh.” Said Ismelda.

“Pretty much, pal.”

“Miss Tuttle, would you be so kind to give us your testimony about what happened yesterday?” Said the judge, trying to look concerned (but clearly enjoying himself).

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about! I didn’t do anything! Especially to the professor!”

I slam my left hand on my stand, making Liz jump in (even more) fear. “Well, if what you’re saying is the truth, and I’m not saying it isn’t, then you can tell us what exactly you were doing on the 13th, during the time of the crime?”

“I…But the crime happened at night! I couldn’t have done it!”

“There’s still the possibility, Liz! Just tell us, what you did you do during that day!”

“Ymous, stop bullying her!” Said Tulip.

“You’re going overboard, pal.”

“And besides, Mister Ymous.” The judge adjusted his glasses. “What good would come out of questioning Miss Tuttle about her day? I can’t see what benefits it will bring to this court.”

“Trust me, your honor. Questioning her will present a vital piece of information for us!”

“Is that so? Well the, Miss Tuttle, you may talk.”

“B-but!”

“No buts, dear. Just tell us about what you did on the 13th.”

“O-oh…Ok…”

(Poor Liz).

-WITNESS TESTIMONY-  
-MY DAY-

“W-well…”  
“We had a free day during the 13th”  
“So I went to Hogsmeade, to do some shopping.”  
“I always liked professor Dandellion, so…”  
“I went to Honeydukes to buy something for him”  
“Just as thanks, y-you know?”  
“After that, I returned to Hogwarts,”  
“but professor Kettleburn asked me to help him”  
“Which I did, I even helped him yesterday too!”  
“After that, I gave my gift to the professor, a box of chocolate.”  
“Then I studied a little, went back to my common room and slept.”  
“That was all that I did during that day!”

“As you can clearly see, your honor, the girl right there had nothing do to with this mess. It’s as clear as day!”

“True, Miss Karasu. I still fail to see how this testimony helped us, Mister Ymous.”

“So, allow me to show it to you then, your honor!”

“This wont prove a thing, Ymous!”

 

“Care to see, Tulip?”

“C-can I go now?”

“NO!” I said, in unison with Tulip.

“Eeek!”

“Great, now everyone’s bullying her.” Ismelda said.

“Start your Cross Examination then, Mister Ymous!”

CROSS EXAMINATION

(No use in delaying the inevitable now)

“Miss Tuttle.”

“Y-yes?”

“You said that you bought something for the professor, right?”

“Y-yes, I did. Why?”

“Care to share with us what you bought?”

“I-“

“OBJECTION!”

“For what?”

“Tulip, its an innocent question, just let her answer it.” 

“He, sorry Ismy, I just had to yell that.”

“Uuuh, anyway. I bought a box of chocolates for him.”

“Interesting.”

“I fail to see why this is interesting, Mister Ymous.”

“He’s just wasting our time, your honor!”

“Well, Tulip. As a matter of fact.” I place the box, the same one we found on Dandellion’s office, right in front of me. “I’m not wasting your time. You see this box right here, Liz?”

“Y-yes, I do…”

“Well, it is the same one that you bought. We found it on the professor’s office.”

“Well, duh, she gave it to him! Short term memory loss is a real illness, you know?”

“That she did, Tulip. And as you’re implying, I’m having a little bit of difficulty remembering a few things. Can you remind me, how did the professor die?”

“He was poisone- OH!”

“Yes, he was.”

“Are you saying that…!”

“Yes. I’m declaring that this box of chocolate was poisoned! This, my friends, is the murder weapon!”

“!”

“!”

“!”

The cacophony started again, coupled with a choir of “Guilty!” and “Murderer!”. I’m sorry, Liz, but I really had to do this!

“A-a-a-are you saying that I did it?!!!”

“Seems like we lost.” Ismelda said, nonchalantly.

“Guess they got the real culprit then, pal.” Clumsy patted Tulip on her shoulder, trying to console her.

“Mrgrgr!”

“B-but! But I didn’t do it! I couldn’t have done it!”

“Well, Miss Tuttle, seems like Mister Ymous presented a piece of really hard evidence. Coupled with your own testimony, I believe it’s safe to say that…”

“N-no please!” Liz then starts to desperately cry, her sobs being muffled as the other students scream towards her.

“OBJECTION!” 

“…”

“…”

“…"

My scream makes the room silent again, the entire jury looking at me puzzled.

“W-what are you objecting for, Ymous?!” Tulip slouches on her stand, looking at me with anger. “You already won!”

“I may have ‘won’, Tulip. But we didn’t get to the truth of this case yet!”

“What.Are you.Implying!”

“I’m stating that Miss Tuttle is innocent, that’s what I’m saying!”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“AGAIN WITH THIS INNOCENT CRAP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Tulip bangs her head on her stand.

“I think the coffee is starting to get to her.” Merula said to Rowan.

“Mister Ymous, are you sure? I don’t see much reason to continue with this trial, for me its clear that Miss Tuttle is the responsible.”

“Butididntdoitomygoshwhycantyounderstanditwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!” Liz says, still crying.

“Well, your honor. I think it would do us good if we heard someone else, you know?”

“WHO ELSE? EH, ARE YE GONNA TAKE A TESTIMONY OUT OF YE ARSE NOW?”

“Miss Karasu! Refrain from such language!”

“I WONT, THIS BLOODY CUNT WONT SHUT UP ABOUT ‘TESTIMONY THIS, TESTIMONY THAT’, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“I’m never letting you get near caffeine again, Tulip.” Ismelda pinches the bridge of her nose, trying not to either laugh or sigh.

“Your honor. You may not be aware of this, since he’s being slightly elusive these past few days, but the victim is still available to give us a testimony!”

“OH REALLY? BLOODY FREAKING REALLY?! AND HOW ARE YE GONNA GET THAT, ARE YE GONNA ASK FOR, I DUNNO, BLOODY MERULA TO CHANNEL HIS SPIRIT OR   
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!”

“That sounds oddly specific and I don’t know why you’re putting Merula in the middle of this.”

“Me neither.” Merula agreed, slightly scared of Tulip.

“But, believe it or not, the professor actually endured as a ghost after the murder!”

“!”

“!”

“!”

“Why am I listening about such a vital piece of information just right now, Severus?”

“I don’t pry into the ghost’s business, headmaster.”

“Your honor, if you please.”

Sighing, Snape just agrees. “Yes, your honor…”

“UUurgh, I just want to rest…”

“That’s what you get for taking so much coffee, pal.”

“Either way. I believe that listening to Professor’s Lockhart testimony will be vital for us. Severus, go with our bailiff and fetch that   
ghost!”

An ever so cheerful Barnaby then went with the professor to search for the ghost, while Snape muttered something under his breath about   
‘ghost’s busters’ and a few complaints against the headmaster. Or something like that.

“Ymous, are you truly sure? We could get Penny out of all of this right now, no need to extend this trial.”

“No, Merula. It wouldn’t be right to end things now. I’m sure that Liz didn’t do it.”

“And how in hell can you be so sure of that?”

“That’s the point: I’m not. I’m not even sure of what I’ll eat for dinner tonight, much less about the trial.”

“As much as I want Penny free, Merula.” Said Rowan, patting me on the back. “I really gotta agree that we can’t blame someone else without further proof. It maybe a hunch, be we need to follow it for now.

“Wurgh…That’s really great.” 

In no time, the ghost of Dandellion Lockhart was standing in front of us, looking happy to be free from Moaning Myrtle for once.

“Hello, my beautiful students! Its been a while, hasn’t it?”

His ever so cheerful personality made a lot of the students (mostly the female ones) smile back at him.

“Even dead that guy’s fishy as heck.”

“I gotta agree with that, Merula.” 

“Good to see you again, Mister Dandellion!” The judge said, looking genuinely happy for some reason (I sincerely have no idea what happens   
in his head).

“And I say the same! Now, I was summoned here for a reason, am I right?”

“You were. We’d like to hear your testimony about the day of you death.”

“Oooh, what a tragedy that was.” He says, trying to sound like he was in the middle of a Shakespearian play. “Oh woe me, to die so young!”

“Wurgh.”

“Can you give us your testimony then, professor?”

“I sure can, headmaster!”

“Its judge.”

(He’s really adamant about us calling him that, huh.)

-WITNESS TESTIMONY-

-OH WOE ME!-  
“As you’re all aware, I was killed two days ago.”  
“Poor little me, I was just minding my business”  
“Answering letters and all that.”  
“It’s hard being famous!”  
“In fact I was planning on sending one to my brother.”  
“Oh, he’ll be devastated once he realizes what happened to me!”  
“Anyway…”  
“Since I have a sweet tooth, I was enjoying a few snacks”  
“My students are kind enough to give me a few of my favorites, actually.”  
“But then, while I was eating some chocolate…”  
“I just…died.”

“And I fail to see how this testimony will help the case, Ymous.” Said Tulip, now less enraged.

“I’ll show it to you, Tulip!”

(Actually, I have no idea myself)

-CROSS EXAMINATION-

“Well, professor. You said you were eating something that a student gave to you. What was it?”

“Ah, it was a box of chocolate A young girl gave it to me.”

“Do you remember who she is? Or at least, her name?”

“Uuh, well, I have many students here, so…”

Liz looked like she was about to cry. (poor Liz)

“I guess her name was… Lizard Turtle? I dunno.”

“…”

“A-anyway!” Better move on before Liz cries even more. “You said you were sending letters to your brother, right?”

“As a matter of fact I-“

“OBJECTION!”

(Tulip has really taken a liking for that word, huh)

“What is it now, Tulip?!”

“Can we move on? You just keep asking him those inane questions, Ymous! Its leading us to nowhere!”

“She’s kinda right, actually. I really cant see what you’re trying to get here, Anon.” 

“Wait and see, Meru- Wait, did you just call me Anon?”

“H-huh? What if I did?”

“Eh, you never called me that, its always either Ymous or Dunderhead or-“

“Hey, focus you two. Y’all can flirt later.”

“W-we’re not flirting, Rowan!”

“Either way!” I say, looking at the ghost. “What we’re you writing for him?”

“And now you’re just making small talk!” Tulip started to look dangerously close to snap again.

“Ah, nothing important, you know. Just the usual updates about life in Hogwarts and all. I’m afraid that my life ends up being really dull   
compared to his! But why do you ask?”

“No reason, really.”

“GAH!” Before she could bang her head on her stand again, both Ismelda and Clumsy managed to hold her.

(I still have a weird feeling about this…)

“Well, your brother is a pretty busy person, isn’t he?”

“He is, its really incredible that he didn’t lose any limb yet, or even worse, his life, considering in how many adventures he gets into!”

“Then, professor. I believe that, if he managed to write a letter to you, then it must be about something important, right?”

For a second, the professor’s unwavering smile crumbled, his eyes shining a look o nervousness and exasperation.

“Oh, no. It was just small talk.” He said.

(Strange…)

Apparently, Rowan saw it too. “Hey, Anon did you noticed that?”

“Yeah, I did. Looks like my hunch is finally leading us to something.”

“Notice what?” Asked Merula.

“You’ll see, Merula.” Rowan said, in anticipation.

(Better keep up the pressure!)

“Then, professor. Could you share with us what you were talking with him? I’m sure most people here would like to hear a bit of ‘small   
talk’ about Gilderoy Lockhart.”

“Huh…Hehe.” His smile crumbled again, this time more apparently.

“Anon, for the love of Merlin’s plus sized trousers, why are you asking him this?!” Tulip just wanted all of this to be over already.

“Because this is a serious matter for this trial, Tulip!”

“In what waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!” She managed to bang her head on her stand at last.

“Mister Ymous, I’m sincerely confused, could you please show to us why do you think this is important?” Said the judge. Strangely, for a   
moment, I think I could see a grin on his face, like we just shared a secret.

“I will your honor. I just need to question the ‘victim’ for a bit, then it will all make sense.”

“Then, Mister Dandellion. Could you tell us what was the contents of the letters?”

“Uuuuhn, sure! Sure, it’s just, uuuuh…”

“Accio the incompetent’s letters!” 

“!”

Snape suddenly shouted his spell, and in a few seconds a couple of letters appeared flying right in front of me.

“I believe it will be easier to check for ourselves, instead of waiting for ‘him’ to talk.” Said Snape.

“Who are you calling incompe-!”

“You.” A hint of a smirk formed on Snape’s mouth. 

As Dandellion looked as close to red as ghost could, I picked up the letters. Most of them where uninteresting trash (some of them were   
even from Liz herself) but besides a few “spicy” ones (especially one about a subscription to “PlayWizard”), only one truly picked my interest.

“Uh oh.” Said Dandellion. “C-could you please not read that one, lad?”

“Silence.” Snape looked at him, his wand ready to stop any interruption.

“Let him read it, Dandellion. It’s nothing to worry about, if you don’t have anything to hide.” Said the judge.

“UUuurgh!” He lunged forward, trying to pick the letter from me, but Snape was faster, managing to restrain him.

“Huh.” I opened the letter, which was sent by an “Acquaintance”, three days ago. The contents of it sent a chill down my spine. 

“What does it say, man?” Asked Rowan.

“I-I…Wow, I’ll read it aloud. This is quite the pickle.”

“Dear Mister Dandellion Snuffle, popularly known as Dandellion Lockhart,

I’ll keep this letter brief, since we’ll meet each other soon. I received a proposal, a few days ago, about a matter concerning you. Apparently, my contractor is a big fan of Gilderoy Lockhart, whatever he may be. He’s such a fan, in fact, that he personally took great effort in researching about his life. Such an adoring fan, don’t you think?  
The problem is: he didn’t find you in any record concerning Mister Lockhart.  
Imagine how he felt when he stumbled upon this information! Someone, impersonating a long lost brother of Gilderoy Lockhart, just so he could use his fame for personal gain? I believe it was quite the shock, indeed.

That is why he asked me to, in better terms, “dispose” of you. I worked for many, many years in this line of work, so you must be sure to understand that this is purely a matter of business. As such, I’ll work in many ways to ensure that you meet will meet your definitive end. Even I it means exposing myself to the wizarding community again, after so many years.  
Rest well, Mister Snuffle. Enjoy your final days; eat your favorite candies (which I KNOW you love) and be prepared.

You’ll know when I arrive.  
Your friend, M.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“HE’S A FRAUD?” That was the first thing that Liz managed to blurt out.

“Ooooh boy, this way worse than I thought.” Said Merula.

“T-then, that means that, the true culprit…” Said Tulip.

“Yes, dear, it was me.”

“!”

We all looked around, until our eyes landed on the familiar three-headed patronus, who now rested in the middle of the Great Hall.

“It is a pleasure to see you all again.” Said the first head, towards me, Merula, and all the others that were in Dumbledore’s office   
yesterday.

“Mortimer!” Said the headmaster, rising from his seat and looking serious for the first time ever since I started attending Hogwarts.

“Yes, Dumbledore. Or, in recent times, ‘The Judge.’” The second head continued, looking amused (or as amused as a patronus could look).   
“It seems that the little boy over there finally managed to stumble upon the end of this case, so I decided to finally make my entrance.”

“B-but…but why?! Didn’t you ask us to prove that this wasn’t your doing?!” Merula said to him, voicing our thoughts.

“Ohoho, yes I did, my dear.” Said now the third head. “It was merely a jest, something for my amusement, you see? This task that I   
received was somewhat dull, you know, so I decided to spice things up a bit. This is, after all, my return towards the spotlight of the wizarding world, so it should be made with a little bit more of ‘grandeur’, a little more of fun. But dare I say, the school’s defenses were really easy to break, way easier than I remembered.”

“So it was you who invaded the school two days ago!” Said Snape, visibly worked up.

“Yes, it was me. And it was also me who forged the scene of the crime. A bit crude, stabbing a corpse, writing on the walls, putting the   
blame on a student. A bit crude, yes, and even generic and cheesy, but in an effective, delightfully devilish way.”

“You bastard, how could you put Penny into this mess!” 

“And as always, he only cares if it is about Penny.” Said Merula.

“Either way, Dumbledore.” Said the second head, again. “I confess that I am the culprit of this crime, so let us put an end to this act,   
even if it was an amusing one. And I suggest that you and your staff go to that store in Hogsmeade, I believe it’s called “Honeydukes”. They have a few ‘exotic’ candies stored in their basement. Au revoir, Mister Ymous!”

And after addressing me in particular, for some strange reason, the patronus simply vanished.

“Severus! Rakepick! Pick up the other staff members and make an immediate search in Hogsmeade, now!” Said Dumbledore, in a grave voice.

As the professor’s rushed, Dumbledore looked tired for the first time in all of this mess. 

“Well, this settles everything.” He says, composing himself again, giving me and my friends a tired smile.

“Does that mean we…?” Said Rowan, expectantly.

“Yes, Mister Khanna. I now declare that the defendant, Miss Penny Haywood is…”

NOT GUILTY

He then flicked his wand, and confetti started to fall as the other students clapped for us.

“God damn this was a weird day.” Said Tulip, who smiled at me cheerfully. Looks like she knows how to lose, at least.

SEPTEMBER 16, 7:40 AM  
GREAT HALL

I eat happily my usual breakfast as I read the news. Apparently the daily prophet already managed to snag the story out of Dumbledore, publishing how a “dark wizard long thought dead” managed to snuck upon Hogwarts and kill one of its staff members. The article though, focused way more on the fact that “Dandellion Snuffle” was actually impersonating as Lockhart’s brother, which was apparently something that not even Lockhart himself knew. Weird turn of events, I tell you that.

As I ate, I saw that Rowan finally entered the great hall. Strange, since he usually arrived before me, but I quickly noticed why: he was   
talking to Penny!

“Looks like the lovebird finally managed to talk to her, eh.” Said Merula, who just sat beside me.

“Hey, Merula. What are you doing here, this is the Ravenclaw table, you know?”

“Yeah, I know, I just want to chat a little. Is it that strange?”

“Coming from you? Yeah, it is.”

“Eh, whatever. Anyway, do you know what happened to the professor?”

“Ah, the ghost? I heard the other ghosts managed to exorcise him, actually. No idea how they managed to do that.”

“Oh, wow, really?”

We then chatted a little together, eating our breakfast, until a slightly uncomfortable silence was finally broken by Merula.

“Look, I have to tell you something.”

“What?” I ask, between a mouthful ofpancakes.

“I just wanted to say that, well, we make a good team.”

“A team, huh? You’re talking about the trial? If so, it was me and Rowan who did all of the work.” 

“Hey, I helped too, you know!”

“Yeah, you wanted to murder Penny when we went to question her.”

“Alright, alright! I didn’t do much. But hey, following you was at least interesting. So, we’ll soon have another free day, and I’ve been   
thinking…”

“Go on…” (This is looking weird…)

“Well, would you like to look for the vaults together? I think we could do a lot of progress together.” She looked slightly fidgety, even   
if her expression was the same as ever.

“Ha! That’s a first.” I say, but feeling truly happy (way more than I wanted to admit). “Sure, Merula, I’ll go with you.”

“Alright then, it’s a date. I’ll see you later then, Anon.” She then gives me a fist bump, a hint of a smile on her face.

“A date?” I ask myself, but then Rowan finally arrives, looking radiant with happiness.

“Anon, you wont believe it! Penny asked me out!” He said. It was the first time I saw Rowan so happy.

We then sat there, as Rowan talked about how happy and lucky he was for what seemed like hours, but my mind kept returning to what happened yesterday, and what Merula said to me just now.

SEPTEMBER 16, ??  
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE COAST OF BRITAIN

“Yes, yes. It was a pleasure working for you, Mister Gilderoy.” Said a man, who sat comfortably on his chair, as he dictated his response to the quill that was floating in front of him. “If you never need my services again, you know how to contact me.”

He then rose up from his char, prancing around his simple home.

“Anon Ymous, huh? That boy was fun to watch. He and his friends show a lot of promise.” He said to himself, enjoying the memories of the little show that he created in Hogwarts.

However, he felt like that wouldn’t be the last time he would see him…

HOWARTS TURBABOUT  
-END-


End file.
